The Case Of The Phoney Hollywood Romance: Part I

Rampant Speculation

Loyal readers, as you know the Orlando Bloomies and I have been heartsick over the last few months since our boyfriend has been having unnatural relations with a dingo.  However, word on the street is that the whole relationship is a clever ruse.  Or is it?  Why would an A-list Hollywood actor perpetrate such a fraud on his unsuspecting fans, especially with such horrid results?

Here’s Orly, pre-dingo:

*sigh*

And post-dingo:

 

*Gak!*

Nice slacks, Pop Pop.

Thanks to the slags on the message boards (who have a whole lot more time on their hands than I do) I have been able to compile a dossier of evidence that will blow this case wide open.  Is it true love or a scam to make “Dingo” a household name?  You be the judge….

First, let’s examine the scenario as summerized by one adept poster:

I don’t know if I’ve read all the “good” things written and printed about these two. What I have read seems exaggerated and has a very strong push that seems to come from Miranda’s side.

If Kerrbloom want their privacy, why go to Villa or Ago last fall?

Who was behind all the rumors that Orlando was going to visit Miranda for the Christmas holidays?

Why did Miranda wave her Blackberry or cellphone in front of the Harpers Bazaar interviewer during her interview – the phone that had the picture of her kissing Orlando? Why do that when you claim to want your privacy and that you want to keep your relationship with your boyfriend private? Does that make sense to you? It seems like a form of Miranda’s own PR game to me.

How did the paparazzi find out where Miranda’s New York apartment was, and how did they know Orlando would spend the night there?

For two people who claim – or at least Miranda does – to want their privacy, why go out to a possibly well known restaurant on Valentine’s Day? Why not eat at home and stay away from places where they might get photographed? Aren’t there restaurants in LA and New York where paparazzi and celebrities don’t hang out? You know, non descript and low key places where normal run of the mill regular folks hang out.

Why hasn’t Orlando said anything about Miranda to the press via his publicist? What is he waiting for? Why does he let her do all of the talking? Since when did Miranda become Orlando’s official mouthpiece? Has Robin Baum become too expensive for him? Is he cutting down on his overhead costs?

How did a pap find them and their hotel whereabouts in Palm Springs? How were they found shortly after or before at a gas station? Did you notice how Miranda’s face is facing the camera in those gas station photos? The camera angle favors her. How convenient.

How does Wire Image get invited to a ‘private’ lunch at a local restaurant in Australia? How are the details of that lunch involving Orlando’s inital meeting with Miranda’s father provided?

Having been to the Los Angeles J. Paul Getty on several occasions, I can happily tell you that paparazz don’t normally hang out there. You have to wait in a long line of cars to get to park your own care there, and you have to park underground in the parking garage. You then have to wait in a long line for a good 10 minutes or so for the train that takes you up alongside a mountain overlooking the 405 freeway until you reach the museum. That little train ride takes about 10 minutes or so. You then have to walk a little distance and up a long series of stairs before you reach the entrance. So gee, I wonder how that pap photographer managed to get himself or herself packed, parked and up that hill to the museum with his or her equipment WITHOUT BEING NOTICED OR STOPPED BY SECURITY. Makes you wonder, doesn’t it?

The Grove near the Farmers Market. Aaah yes, another place I’ve repeatedly been to over the years. It’s a very trendy place – The Grove, that is – where celebrities and paparazzi do their backscratching Tango. It’s also close to CBS studios, so the chances of seeing celebrites and actors is pretty good! Therefore, those actors who would rather NOT get photographed, for whatever reason or reasons, would be wise to avoid the area. If they choose to go there, they WILL be photographed. It’s a no brainer.

The only “good” things I can recall reading about this couple are that they are considered a beautiful couple, that things are heating up between them and that things must be getting serious since Orlando flew to Australia to meet Miranda’s father. What about this “good” stuff is so great or meaningful? It’s publicity fluff, as far as I’m concerned, and it’s illustrated with a photographic diary of their relationship, event by event. All of that is topped with “We keep things private” echoed by Orlando’s refusal to say anything and Miranda’s refusal to shut up.

Did I miss anything? Sorry for any misspelled words.

The media can present it, but that doesn’t mean the public has to buy into it. That’s all I’m trying to say. Tony, the photographer, had his say without calling anyone names or lashing out at them angrily. He had his say and left it at that. The Terry’s of Just Jared who post turn me off because they’re condescending, nasty and rude. They also get defensive about a person whom they don’t need to defend or protect – or do they??? Telling me to get a #$%@!*& life is not too far off from Miranda telling that journalist that we’re “not living the life.” Perhaps she should offer clarification of that statement and what she really meant. Since she’s not above mentioning Orlando left and right, and she’s not above mentioning Jennifer Anniston as possible competition (same goes for her mention of Kate), then she’s not above explaining some of her statements.

You don’t say!  Interesting.  And this:

I think he started to figure her out in the fall when they started spending more time together and he was told what she was doing in the press. Then he was a no show over Christmas. Then it doesn’t appear they spent much time together aside from maybe his b-day weekend in LA since she was there. Other than that they weren’t in thesame city much again until NY Feb. where the split occured.  Then of course started the pap fest at the ducati shop. So yes, he knew she had been using him but he was also some what to blame for the mess since he most likely was messing around with her when she was with Jay and partly to blame for her new reputation as a cheater.

Ah, yes, the infamous Ducati footage, or, as I like to call it, The Bigfoot Video.  More about that later.

Not to mention that Miranda has yet to appear herself and answer the most burning question of all:  Is Orly circumcised?  Why won’t you speak up and settle this once and for all Miranda?  Just what are you trying to hide?  If you really are shagging him then by all means tell us about his oui oui.

That pretty much wraps it up for me.  Unconvinced?  Stay tuned for more shocking evidence.