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Tag Archives: Orlando Bloom’s girlfriend

I’ve been busy with the holidays the last couple of days, and I don’t normally pay attention to blind items (I can never guess who the crap they’re talking about), but this one caught my attention.  I wonder why?

Which supermodel and brand ambassador can’t convince her showbiz boyfriend to come back to Australia unless he’s paid a celebrity appearance fee?  The front row is a lonely place without the handsome face.

Hmmm…let me think about this for a second.  Supermodel…Tyra?  No, can’t be her.  Why would her boyfriend go “back” to Australia.

Let me think.  Could it be…Gisele?  No, I don’t think so.  She’s a supermodel, but brand ambassador?  I don’t think so.

You know what?  It almost sounds like they’re talking about Miranda Kerr, except that they specifically said “supermodel”.  Help me out here guys, who is it?

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Hi guys,

I’m a little busy these days, so rather than leave you hanging I thought I’d post some pictures of Orly and his girlfriend.  Enjoy! Read More »

I’m so terribly, terribly sorry that it had to come to this.

It’s just that I did everthing that I could to get you to notice me and you still don’t know I exist.  Consider this a pathetic, passive-aggressive attempt to get your attention, however negative that attention may be.  Also I’m getting really sick of seeing pictures of you and your girlfriend playing kissy face all over town. 

(Seriously, you should have a talk with your publicist about that.  Does she not understand that your fans want to think they have a chance?)

OK, the truth is that I’m having some kind of weird mid-life crisis and I’m feeling bitchy and I wanted to see if anyone would be dumb enough to believe it.  Sue me.

Dear Orlando,

Hi.  Long time no hear.  What’s up with that?

I hear you’ve given up on that movie that you were going to do.  I think it’s for the best, although I’m not sure how I feel about you doing a kung-fu flick.  It’s OK, I know the reason you dropped out is that you didn’t want to be away from me for that long.  You’re so considerate! Read More »

Kidding!  I don’t believe in violence.  I always give peace a chance.

Seriously, I’m OK with Orlando being a big cheater.  He’ll come back to me.  I’ll just have to get a billboard…but more about that later.

I’m OK.  Really.  But I’m worried about some of the other ladies.  Joders seems a little depressed, and I haven’t heard from Cait in a while.  I think Anners has gone off the deep end.

So ladies, feel better!  As a public service, I am offering Deadpan’s comment box for you to vent your frustrations.  Let it all out, it’s OK.  Tell us how you really feel.  We don’t judge you here.  Don’t hold back!

Programming note:  violent fantasies are for entertainment purposes only.  Psycho fangirls will be laughed at and subsequently reported to The Department of Homeland Security.