Joders was kind enough to remind me that today is my ex-boyfriend Nikki Sixx’s birfday (not that I would have forgotten….). He’s 50 today, can you believe it?
Happy birfday Nikki, sorry things didn’t work out between us. Maybe if you hadn’t married all those skanks back in the 90’s things would have been different.
You know folks, I’ve been thinking about all this Miranda and Orlando stuff. Maybe we’ve all been too hard on her. I can totally see why Orlando would dig her, don’t you? I mean, not only is she the superest supermodel ever, she’s also a scholar and an authoress.
And how many of you can say you graduated from such a stellar institution as John Fielder’s Academy of Natural Living? I know I can’t. All I did was go to law school. Everyone hates lawyers, but who doesn’t love an underwear model, right?
So I can understand why Orlando would want that. If I were a guy I’d totally be hitting that four times a day and….
GAAAAAHHHHHHH! I can’t do this.
Orlando, I don’t care if that was you that stopped by yesterday. I just can’t do this. Don’t get me wrong, I still want to fark you and everything, but I’ve had it with your dingo girlfriend. It’s bad enough that they’re writing news articles about her every gd day, now I come home and find Mr. Rizzuto Googling her. I am so getting a divorce. I’ve had it.
There’s a Motley Crue video on VH1 classic. Maybe I’ll go back to Nikki Sixx. I think he kicked heroin again. Yeah, I think I’ll see what Nikki’s up to.
I totally stole this post from my conjoined triplet Heathenly.
I am, of course, happily married to Mr. Rizzuto. Alas, I just realized that since I signed up for NaBloPoMo I’m supposed to be posting every day for a month. Phooey. Oh well, we’ve already established that I’ll say anything for page views….
Back when I was in high school and I had a very underdeveloped gaydar, I just knew I was gonna get me some Greg Louganis action. I suppose I don’t have to tell you how that worked out. Later on I fell in love with Nikki Sixx from Motley Crue. I loved him for years, but I think I’m over it now. (Note to Mr. Sixx: alluding to heroin use was edgy and hot. No one told you to write a damn book about it. That’s just wrong.)
So here’s my current list of people I’d totally sleep with. Oh, since we’ve already established that Mr. Rizzuto has given me one shot (no pun intended) with you-know-who, I won’t bore you with any more of that. So without further ado….
Just as long as he doesn’t show up in the gold lame suit….
Lenny Kravitz. OK, so he’s short and he dresses funny. Who the crap cares?
I don’t know who you are so I won’t feel guilty about “losing” your number later.
Daniel Wu. Yeah. I don’t know who he is either, but my new BFF Anners is gonna find out.
Bill Clinton. I’d have to do him twice, once for Mr. Rizzuto and once for myself.
Um, I think that’s it. But don’t despair, I’ll be milking this theme for all it’s worth in the next few days.
Tomorrow: People I Would Totally Sleep With If I Were A Lesbian