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Monthly Archives: March 2008

I have a gringe against Orlando Bloom.  It’s true.  I read it on the internets.

You guys remember the Hong Kong Phooey article I wrote on Blogcritics, don’t you?  When I was writing it I was thinking that no matter how obviously fake and stupid a satire piece is there’s always someone out there who’s gonna believe it.  Still, I was concerned when I had to publish it in the satire category, and downright bummed when they actually put “satire” in the title.

Never again will I underestimate the stupidity of the reading public.  A few hours after I posted the article someone jumped on the thread and chastised me for not getting my facts straight.  Success!

Today I took a mental health day from work (meaning that it’s after 12 and I’m still in my jammies).  I decided to Google “Orlando Bloom Hong Kong Phooey” and you’ll never guess what I found.  You don’t have to guess, I’ll print some of the highlights. Read More »


Those Google ads might not be so useless after all.

I saw one a couple of weeks ago that said “Find Any Celebrity!”  I want to find a celebrity, so I clicked.  I didn’t expect much, but I found and ad for a book called The Celebrity Black Book.  It said that you could find any celebrity.  Anyone who’s anyone!  Surely Orlando Bloom is anyone, even after that unfortunate appearance on the Kids’ Choice Awards last night.  What the hell was he thinking?  (Warning:  the video is 3 minutes, seven seconds long, which is about 3 minutes longer than it should be.) Read More »

I’m so terribly, terribly sorry that it had to come to this.

It’s just that I did everthing that I could to get you to notice me and you still don’t know I exist.  Consider this a pathetic, passive-aggressive attempt to get your attention, however negative that attention may be.  Also I’m getting really sick of seeing pictures of you and your girlfriend playing kissy face all over town. 

(Seriously, you should have a talk with your publicist about that.  Does she not understand that your fans want to think they have a chance?)

OK, the truth is that I’m having some kind of weird mid-life crisis and I’m feeling bitchy and I wanted to see if anyone would be dumb enough to believe it.  Sue me.


It’s Easter, and because I’m a) a bad mother, b) a bad daughter, and c) a bad Catholic I’m not celebrating.  I don’t have the emotional strength to even buy a freaking Easter basket for my poor neglected children.  Instead, I’m blogging.  Aren’t you lucky.

I’ve been kicking around the idea of adding a new category to Deadpan called “Celebrities Must Die,” and today seems like just the right day to launch.  This category will be devoted to stories about celebrities, the stupid things they say and do, and why they should be killed.  You might ask yourself, is Wanda openly encouraging violence against famous people who should not be breathing the air?  In a word, yes. Read More »

Howdy, faithful reader!

It’s Good Friday 2008 and I’m sitting in a hotel room somewheres with the other 3 Rizzutos.  Never mind why.  Seeing as how it’s a slow blogging weekend I thought I’d share some random thoughts with you.

I sent Mr. Rizzuto out for some alcohol a few minutes ago.  I asked him to get me some of what’s affectionately known in the Rizzuto household as Lady Duff.  As you Simpsons fans know, Duff is Homer Simpson’s favorite beer.  I like wine coolers (Bacardi, Mike’s Hard Lemonade, whatever).  Mr. Rizzuto calls it Lady Duff. Read More »