Skip navigation

OK, I realize that I’m probably going straight to hell for writing this, but I was bored and that makes it OK.  In any event my editors (i.e. Anners and Joders) say it isn’t that bad, so whatever.  And anyway I consider it a public service to give this boring ass fandom something to talk about.

 

Wanda Rizzuto:  Thank you again for your time Miranda.

Miranda Kerr:  yoor welkom wanda!

WR:  Well, a lot has happened since the last time we chatted, hasn’t it.

MK:  ill saie.

WR:  There’s been a lot of chatter lately about there being trouble in paradise with your boyfriend, Orlando Bloom.  Is there any truth to the rumors?

MK:  wel i dont noe wanda.  i musst admitt that im a liddul disapoyntid wif orleez behavyer latlee.  az iff it wuzznt hyumilleeating enuf to heer that hee hookd upp wif a gagle of blond gurlz whyle mye bak wuz turnd, nowe i hav to heer abowt himm kanoooolding wif som hoar in norf karolyna tu.  iz ther noe won a swiet farmm gurl frum gunneduh can trusst?

WR:  I suppose not.  I must say, I’m very surprised that you put up with him this long.  You were quite upset with him a few months ago.  May I remind you of your comments at the time?

but maybe you all would like to have a guy who sexually humilates you by forcing you
 more or less to have anal sex, that films it happening, that and most the
sex you have and telling you what a ***** you are and will only have sex
with you in the Doggy  dingo position. Yeah, such a sweetheart!! I was fooled by
 him TOTALLY, and for the record, he has had about 85 sexual partners.
>Gentleman?

MK:  i dont noe wat yoor tawking abowt.

WR:  Oh cut the crap.

MK:  OK, it wuz mee butt it wuz onlee that won tyme.

WR:  Well I don’t blame you for being upset about being degraded so horribly.  Anal sex!  I think he’s just horrid!

MK:  i noe, rite?  i meen, y kudnt hee jusst kum in mye fase lik evreewon els?

WR:  Why, indeed?

MK:  thannk yoo wanda. im glaad sumwon inn thiss gastlee fandum iz sensativv too mye fielings.

WR:  He’s no gentleman. 

MK:  hee shur iznt. andd i awlso hurd that heez sieng sum othur gurl two, sum bytch naymed nott pikshured. iff i sie that hoar on tha striet im gona kik hur az.

WR:  So then it’s over between the two of you?

MK:  im jus nott shur.   i haf himm on probayshon rite nowe yoo noe, annd mye frenz an suporturs at jus jarid hav bin teling mee that heez noe gud an im starrting too thinnke therr rite. i suppoz i jus hav too fynd tha koradge too leeve fynullee.

WR:  On that note, how’s your book coming?

MK: im glaad yoove aksed that wanda.  its kuming jus grate butt i haf chayngd tha tytle agayn.  insted of caling it “treshur urself, exc.” i wil kall it “pleshur urself”.

WR:  Is it still going to be about self-esteem and nutrition?

MK:  noe, it wil bee a howe too buk dedicaytid too my speshil frenz and fanz at dl_anon.

WR:  That’s very thoughtful of you Miranda.

MK:  iznt itt tho?  of korse ther wil bee lotz of pikshurs of mee in mye drawrs.  lotz and lotz of glosie pikshurs.

WR:  Well they do love a good wank, don’t they?

MK:  yess thay shur doo.

WR:  So?  What’s next for Miranda Kerr?  I’ve heard that you’re considering a career in acting.

MK:  yess.  butt az yoo noe, i wont goe fore jus anee roll. i wante summthing of subbstans and nott jus anothur “hott gurl” karaktur.

WR:  So I’ve heard.  Is there anything on the horizon?

MK:  of kors ther iz! yoo don thinnk id mayke itt up jus fore publissitee’s sayke, doo yoo?  i hav awlredy mett wif a kasting agint.

WR:  Oh how interesting!  What sort of role are you up for?

MK:  wel im not shur egsaktly.  i jus noe that itt wil bee verie fysikally demannding.  

WR:  What makes you say that?

MK:  bekuse hee towld mee too kum bak wen i had no teef an a hed flatt enuf too resst hiz bier on. 

WR:  I see.

MK:  thay wil probublee kompair mye pirformins too that muvee wif charleez therronn.

WR:  Monster?

MK:  yess thats tha won.

WR:  How did you meet this casting agent anyway?  Did Orlando introduce you?

MK:  noe, i mett himm on mye laste wurlwhind modellling toor. hee wuz wurking at tha chik-fil-a rite nesckt too tha runwaie.

WR:  Oh.  Well, I wish you the best of luck.  Just don’t let Hollywood ruin your sweet and unspoiled nature, OK?

MK:  o dont worie, i wonte wanda. if awl els fayls, i kan jus go bak too mye owld jobb in awstralia.

WR:  And what job was that?

MK:  i thawt yoo mite aks sow i brawt won of mye owld prowmowshunal videeoz fore yoor vewing pleshur.

WR:  You’re a regular renaissance woman, aren’t you?

MK:  yess i amm.  i jus wannt too thanke yoo fore awl yoor suport inn mye tyme of nied wanda, annd fore awlwayz sieing mye syde of thinngs.  huggs?

WR:  That’s OK.  Well folks, be sure to stay tuned for updates about Miranda Kerr’s exciting acting and singing career!

Advertisements

28 Comments

  1. She cings u lot bettuh thin eye imajined she wood.

  2. you have excelled yourself yet again wanda

    this is too funny for words
    “i noe, rite? i meen, y kudnt hee jusst kum in mye fase lik evreewon els?”

    i’m glad to hear Orlando is on probayshon rite now – i hope he enjoys himself LOL

    thanks for sharing!! 🙂

  3. WOW…

    CPK=Orlando/VS

    I mean common when are we getting new stuff? The other angels have a lot going on aside from the boring VS and their lovelives.

  4. That wasn’t bad. Its really good, good job Wanda.

  5. I want to be there when Dingho catches up with OBs new girlfriend Nott Pikshured and kiks hur az.

  6. I wuv you Wanda! You have done the impossible — you’ve given the dingho a personality.

  7. Wanda you are amazing *Bows down a kisses feet*

  8. Ba ha ha ha ha!

    More genius.

    bekuse hee towld mee too kum bak wen i had no teef an a hed flatt enuf too resst hiz bier on.

    LOL!

    That was actually pretty tame. But I loved every word.

    Well done.

  9. “..its kuming jus grate butt..”

    Did you do that on purpose or is it just my sick mind working overtime? (as usual..)

  10. It’s your sick mind Zulu. :p

  11. You have no idea how badly the fandumb needed this. Thank you.

    I’ll be your bodyguard when you get to hell because you know the dingho is coming for that ass!

  12. I hate to say I told you so, but “I told you so!”.

    I’m sure there’s going to be some more impersonations over at JJ and lots more wanking over at dl_anon.

    I bow down to your greatness, Wanda.

  13. The dingo is on the roll lately and of course busy posing for the paps lol

  14. That’s awesome wanda…

    Anyone here interested to watch the morning show interview with heidi and cpk? It’s a big lol, you know what i mean.

  15. How hilarious is it Indigo?

  16. Mystic its sidesplitting….. i think I can see MK’s future – in infomercials… on the one hand you have Heidi Klum looking young fresh and articulate (if a little cheesy at times) and on the other you have MK – akward, puffy faced and spouting shite about panties and perfume, she really doesnt do VS any favours by speaking….mind you has everyone seen the push up bra ad…. i think VS should be ashamed by the concept (hopping about in your underwear in a garden) of that video never mind MK’s involvment in it!

  17. Mystic, i wouldn’t recommend it if i know it won’t give a dime of laugh.

  18. Is it funnier than Dinky the Singing Dingo? Link?

  19. About the link, i just found it on heidi’s thread at bellazon… You should try it.

    I love it when Adriana(Givenchy) and Doutzen(CK) refused to go to the Gala despite having sponsors because of more important commitments, wherein cpk voluntarily announced of her attendance. Funny that even the not so known models have sponsors.

  20. Thank you, Wanda.

  21. Thanks for the description Slapparr. I really have no idea what she is going to the Gala for. Must have nothing to do and had to do some “favors” to get in.

  22. Oh good lord. I just watched that video and I’m all the dumber for it. Give me back my brain cells!

  23. Entertaining as ever Wanda.
    Thank you!!

  24. Since i’m not a member i can’t post here

    Some people are getting it wrong. VS never sponsored or dressed anyone for the MET event. Never in the past or in the present, i don’t know in the the future lol

    p.s. the make up line which is designed by Siriano for VS has already it’s spokemodels, Adriana and Alessandra signed an exclusive contract for the all new VS make up line.

  25. I think miranda has her own twitter page started this week. Posted photos with her and her beau. But maybe it’s fake. Please investigate that would be so much fun to read.

  26. Heidi Klum is really like a goddess. she is definitely my favorite Victoria secret angel.-*;

  27. the beauty genes of Heidi Klum is very evident indeed, this girl is really like a goddess;*~

  28. Excellent goods from you, man. I have understand your stuff previous to and you are just extremely fantastic. I actually like what you have acquired here, certainly like what you are saying and the way in which you say it. You make it entertaining and you still care for to keep it smart. I cant wait to read far more from you. This is actually a tremendous site.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: