My dearest darling Orlando,
Despite what you may have heard on the internets, specifically at the Wanda Rizzuto Fan Club over on Live Journal, I still love you. Well, I mean, I still want to do the nasty with you. However, you have been behaving like a tool lately. And looking kinda not so hot. Oh, and the slags in your fandom? Crazy! Seriously, have you been to JJ lately? It’s like one slag talking to herself over 400 posts!
All this is enough to make me seriously consider not being a fangirl anymore. But who am I kidding? You and I both know that I can’t stay mad at you for long. So, after careful consideration, I’ve decided to give you up for Lent. As you know I’m a nice Catholic girl, and since I must atone for eating Szechuan beef at lunch today, off you go. No more message boards for me! Sayonara YouTube trailers!
Don’t worry darling, it won’t hurt for long. I’ll be back on Easter Sunday. Don’t go getting rabies while I’m gone now!
(And before the members of my fan club get their panties in a bunch thinking I’m poking fun at Catholics, I’m totally serious.)