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Quill wanted to hear some “fish out of water” stories.  You know, since I moved from the big city to the frozen north and all.  But I wonder if he read this?  Or this?

So, what can I say?  Would you like to hear about the deer I almost hit?  On a winding mountain road?  Stupid deer.  He was mad close, I almost clipped him.  It took me a few hours to climb down from the ceiling.

Speaking of winding mountain roads, do you know that sometimes in the mountains you have to drive through clouds?  Sounds pretty cool and ethereal, right?  It isn’t.  It’s fucking SCARY.  OK?  Especially when there are suicidal deer wandering around.

Also, we had our first big snowstorm last week.  Mr. Rizzuto has been telling me for weeks that I should look into the bus route for when it snows.  I did!  There is, in fact a bus in this town.  Perhaps two or three. 

I guess I should have gone back to bed after I left Dante to wait for the bus that morning.  Did you know that up in these parts they cancel school if it snows really hard?  I didn’t know, and neither did Dante.  Anyway, I put him on the curb, as usual, kissed him goodbye and went back inside.  About a half hour later I was getting myself ready to leave when I heard the door open.  It was Dante, and he was yelling that the bus wasn’t coming, and what should he do?  Please don’t call child abuse on me.

Anyway, after that (and by “that” I mean that we determined there was no school) I figured I’d just go out, brush a few flakes of snow off the car and keep it moving.  About 30 minutes after that I had poor Mr. Rizzuto shovelling snow out from under my car (which somehow had gotten stuck halfway into the interstate that passes by my house).  He was screaming something about the gd bus, and I think he was wondering whatever happened to the fat girl he used to date before we met.  Everyone around here is always yelling at me.

Then I had to call work and tell them I was going to be late because my car was stuck.  They laughed at me.

Quill?  I got snow tires.  They didn’t do me a damn bit of good, but I got them.

I imagine there will be more shenanigans as the winter progresses.



  1. LOL. I hear you. We had our first big snow on Sunday and another expected today and another next Sunday! There has been no school here all week. My guess is that it will be Friday before the kiddies see their loving teachers again, if then.

  2. No school all week? It was only closed for a day here. That’s funny, you have more snow than I do!

  3. One of my fondest Boise memories is trekking out to the bus stop with a carafe of hot cocoa and a stack of styrofoam (don’t tell Kathleen!) cups — ’cause once they’re out there, if there’s snow, they don’t actually *want* to come in. Not even if you tell them school’s not opening for two hours. “We’ll wait here….” *splat*

    You don’t actually have to have more snow to be closed more — they just have to make their decisions early and based on availability of buses. Here the buses are used, in turn, for all the schools — so they don’t delay school openings, because that would push the senior high off till midday. We’re either opened or closed, everybody, willy nilly, at 5 am or so. It might be like that where Corina is, too.

  4. Heh, heh… flatlander… You should drive up some of the peaks in Colorado. One wrong move, and whammo! You’re 5,000 feet down a rocky cliff, with no cell service and 65 miles of rough road between you and a tow truck.

    But, then again… I believe Quill knows all about that… 🙂

  5. Wanda, Wanda, Wanda. Where do I start? I guess “city chick in the ditch” stories are just as good as “fish out of water” stories, however:

    -You missed the deer. End of story. Ho-hum. Hunnybunny’s mom had one leap over the hood and crash right through the windshield last fall and two years ago I was driving outside of Stowe and got T-boned by a deer. Hit the driver’s side door with a WHAM and rolled under the rear wheel, sending me into the ditch. First guy that stopped didn’t ask if I was okay. He said, “You gonna keep it?” (In Vermont you can keep the meat from deer you hit) I told him to be fruitful and multiply but not in those words. That venison was quite tender.

    -Maybe Dante will get you one of them new-fangled devices called a “radio” for Christmas. I’ve heard they announce things like school closings on them. Hell, even I can pick up a radio signal when the wind is right.

    -Tell Mr. R to stop screaming and buy you one of those little emergency shovels and a bag of kitty litter or sand to keep in the car so you never have to bother him again. Screaming is unbecoming of heroes. Of course, you could just stay out of ditches.(For the record, I would keep quiet if I was digging you out of a ditch, at least until there were people around to tell the story to)

    And don’t worry, people will stop laughing at you in a couple of years or at least when some other flatlander moves in. By then you’ll be an old pro and can do some laughing your own self. You never know when someone like that’s going to show up, thinking snow tires will somehow make them a better driver.

    It has been snowing like crazy here all morning so I (of course) decided to head into the village to see what was going on (as always, not much). I tried to get stuck like you did, in the interest of helping you figure out what might have gone wrong. Try as I might, though, I couldn’t do it. Well, maybe I could have if I weren’t driving slowly and in low gear (I assume you’re driving an automatic. Ask me sometime what those little numbers below “D” are for)

    You’re doing fine, Wanda. No one has been seriously injured or died yet, right? When I was on Savage Island on Lake Champlain, learning to dock boats in 30 knot cross-winds and five-foot waves, that was the standard I kept for success (even when I managed to plant a 22-foot boat full of propane tanks right in the middle of the dock) and I find it works well for many other things in life, too.

    Hang in there, Wanda.

    (Note to pandemonic: It was only 3,000 feet)

  6. Note to Quill: It felt like 5,000.


    I bet Wanda could write a book on surviving in the big city. She’s not all helpless.

  7. I was just going to say…if you want to talk about survival I could always drop you guys somewhere in the Bronx with nothing but a Metrocard and a subway map and see who makes it out first!

  8. **snicker** Even down here in Podunkville, we have a local radio station that lets us know school is canceled. DUH. 🙂

  9. OK,look. We have a TV, and a radio, OK? In fact, the TV was on that morning. I just wasn’t really paying attention.


  10. And this is why I left the Northeast and moved to California.

  11. Several years ago, we got about 4 inches, while I was at work. On the way home, driving slowly, carefully, and in low gear, the car behind me started honking wanting me to drive faster. Made me so mad that at the red-light I jumped out and yelled, if he started making the payments I’d drive it any dang way he wanted me to.

    It’s safer for all if I just stay home. 😉

  12. Shawn, you road raged??? That’s so awesome!!!!

  13. Not really, Sissy, it can get you shot, here.

  14. Wanda, you’re right. Dropping me off in the Bronx would be a lesson. A lesson in what, I’m not sure but someone would sure learn something and someone would definitely get a laugh.

  15. My son hit a deer a couple of weeks ago. He lost his windshield and I’m just glad he didn’t lose his life. He had glass in his mouth and that image has haunted me ever since.

    And we don’t even live in the boonies.

  16. See? SEE?????

    Mom’s the only one around here that understands me.

  17. I learned how to drive in snow, but I’m pretty sure it’s not like riding a bike. I don’t think I’d like to do it again to hone my skills.

    One image that stays with me: watching a car slowly slide sideways, bouncing from curb to curb like a slo-mo pinball.

    No thanks. I’ll stay here, where the worst that can happen is pea-sized hail.

  18. Wanda, do you think you will have mastered the art of driving in the snow by the time I get there?

  19. I only drive when I have to Joders. Mr. Rizzuto is more than happy to be our driver.

  20. From the roadkill file: A guy hit a bear just outside our village yesterday afternoon. He managed to drive his severely damaged car to the market and called Fish and Game. They asked him if the bear was still alive, on the road-side, etc. As if he was going to stop and check.

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