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Yesterday Mr. Rizzuto and I did the unthinkable and went to Wal-Mart. It was even worse than you think because we had to go grocery shopping so we drove 40 minutes out of our way to the Super Wal-Mart. I know, I totally shouldn’t shop there for a lot of reasons. We didn’t for a long time, but Mr. Rizzuto thinks we should reconsider our position because they support some environmental issues or something. I don’t know.

Anyway, so we decided to go there because we had to buy a lot of stuff and it’s sooo cheap. One of the really bad things about Wal-Mart, which I’m sure you already know, is that you go in for a roll of paper towels and come out an hour later with $100 worth of stuff you didn’t need. So once we got into the parking lot I told him just to point the cart towards the food center and keep his head down. We were there for groceries, not a lot of useless crap.

It was OK at first. We strolled through the produce section and kept cool heads. We only picked up stuff that was needed and on sale. The grapes were 5 pounds for $4, we couldn’t say no to that, could we? Then we moved on to the meat section, and then the dairy. That’s where we lost focus. See, the dairy section is close to the other part of the store where they have non-food items. Mr. Rizzuto suddenly remembered that he needed some things to fix the toilet, so he left me and Janey to our own devices.

Pretty soon I was in the baking aisle, suddenly remembering that I needed Heath bar chips to bake cookies with. And brown sugar. And those little McCormick seasoning packets? The were only $1.50. You never know when you want to have slow cooker pulled pork, right?

Mr. Rizzuto came back with the plumbing supplies, plus a new shower head and some other stuff. I don’t really remember much after that. I just remember seeing bargains everywhere.

“We need trail mix!”

“Ooo! Corn tortillas!”

“Barbeque sauce is two for a dollar!”

“I already got a dozen!”

By the end we were pretty much just waving our arms, running up and down the aisles and babbling incoherently. I think Janey was crying. I’m pretty sure she’s trying to get us booked on Intervention. When it was all over we left with two full shopping carts.

“I feel cheap and tawdry,” I said.

“I love bargains,” said Mr. Rizzuto.

“I’m so ashamed.”

“Look on the bright side. If child protective services came to our house today at least they’d see that we have plenty of food in the cabinets.”

He had a point.

This was us at Wal-Mart.  (And yes, we did get a case of Ramen noodles.)




  1. This is exactly why I never take my sister with me when I go grocery shopping. I end up with 4 extra bags of groceries filled with stuff that neither of us need.

    If it makes you feel any better Wanda, I love Wal-Mart.

    And I admit that there are some shops that I would have to be either dead or in a coma before you could drag me in there.

  2. *snicker*

    Mr. R. is right. For every acre of land we use to build a store we pay to protect a wild acre, and we’re developing green stores. The one I work at uses skylights during the day to reduce electric use. We also encourage our customers to live green.

    The store I work for was also built in an area where the jobs were needed and welcomed.

    Don’t know if that helps, but as a stockholder I appreciate your business. 😉

  3. You’re welcome Shawn. You should be getting a fat check this month.

  4. My hubby and I would actually incorporate Wal-Mart into our date nights because saving a bunch of money on stuff we didn’t need is pretty romantic to us. We’re that annoying couple you’d see stealing kisses in the checkout line and holding hands while walking across the parking lot. Walmart is the best couples therapy. 😉

  5. I feel the same way about Sam’s Club. I can’t go into Walmart, because I spend all my money at Sam’s. Sam’s was great when you had a couple of hungry teenagers in the house. (Actually, when my son and his dollface was here, I had to go shopping there EVERY day. Those two eat like nothing I’ve ever seen!)

    Here’s another plus about Walmart (Sam’s): $4 prescriptions. Yes! I switched all my scripts over there because it’s so cheap!

  6. I love ’em. I love their cheap prices, I love their sweet cashiers, and when I can get ’em, I love the self-checkouts that actually work. I love that they have GIANT rice-krispie treats at the checkout, so I don’t forget to get a double handful of chew badformeness. I love that they actually understand how to put things on sale and clearance, as opposed to knocking off a measly dollar.

    glamma puss, you think you’re the only ones? pur-lease….

  7. Wow. That read like my visits to Whole Foods used to go, back when I had money. Now I go in there holding up my hands like blinders to my face, grab the cayenne hot sauce no one else seems to carry and the all-chocolate Newman-Os, and run out without looking at the bakery or the sushi.

  8. I have a love/hate relationship wif Walmart.

    I ♥ South Park 😀

  9. This post and all the comments has me in tears of laughter! LOL! What a better place to piss on then wal-mart…..everyones dirty little secret. Love the couples therapy bit…I’ll have to tell my sister about that one.

    I need to watch more South Park. That show is the best thing ever.

  10. Wal-mart is the closest thing to heaven.

    Ok, maybe not. But I love going to there.

  11. -to

  12. I hate Wal-Mart. I’m holding out for the new Costco that’s opening up next month. Then it’s goodbye money……hello crap in bulk I don’t need.

  13. Won’t go there. Ethical issues aside, being in Wal-Mart makes me CRAZY. Too chaotic, slow service, aisles towering over me…uh uh! Not worth it.

  14. Naughty girl!

    I had to go there to buy something for my boss a couple months ago. It was company money; I wasn’t in a position to tell him we had to buy it for $15 more somewhere else. I haven’t shopped there in many years, because I’m a bleeding heart liberal blah blah blah eminent domain is evil blah employee abuse blah blah. It PAINED me to walk past all of the stuff that is SO MUCH FUCKING CHEAPER there than anywhere else. But I just bought the one thing, felt like a sellout/traitor/bad person, and left. And wondered how I could justify shopping there.

    Still haven’t come up with a plausible justification. Still looking for one.

  15. Have you ever seen the documentary The High Cost of Low Prices? That would be enough to stop you shopping there. How can you patronize a store that is responsible for more than 10 per cent of your country’s trade deficit with China? I won’t mention the employment policies that are akin to indentured servitude.

    I’ll get off my soap box. Yes, I shop at Wal-Mart. Hypocrites, aren’t we all? Chinese Wal-Marts aren’t as tawdry as their American counterparts. Much more upscale.

    My shopping choices are a little more limited than yours. They have butter, the only store with miles that carries that creamy yellow delight. If I was able to cut that from my diet I would have no reason to shop there.

  16. The environment is dying because of all this excess production. If people didn’t buy so much crap that they didn’t need the environment wouldn’t need environmental care. Wallmart is the problem.

    That being said I could really use a Walmart right about now. I have to buy a lot of crap for the new apartment.

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