Yesterday Mr. Rizzuto and I did the unthinkable and went to Wal-Mart. It was even worse than you think because we had to go grocery shopping so we drove 40 minutes out of our way to the Super Wal-Mart. I know, I totally shouldn’t shop there for a lot of reasons. We didn’t for a long time, but Mr. Rizzuto thinks we should reconsider our position because they support some environmental issues or something. I don’t know.
Anyway, so we decided to go there because we had to buy a lot of stuff and it’s sooo cheap. One of the really bad things about Wal-Mart, which I’m sure you already know, is that you go in for a roll of paper towels and come out an hour later with $100 worth of stuff you didn’t need. So once we got into the parking lot I told him just to point the cart towards the food center and keep his head down. We were there for groceries, not a lot of useless crap.
It was OK at first. We strolled through the produce section and kept cool heads. We only picked up stuff that was needed and on sale. The grapes were 5 pounds for $4, we couldn’t say no to that, could we? Then we moved on to the meat section, and then the dairy. That’s where we lost focus. See, the dairy section is close to the other part of the store where they have non-food items. Mr. Rizzuto suddenly remembered that he needed some things to fix the toilet, so he left me and Janey to our own devices.
Pretty soon I was in the baking aisle, suddenly remembering that I needed Heath bar chips to bake cookies with. And brown sugar. And those little McCormick seasoning packets? The were only $1.50. You never know when you want to have slow cooker pulled pork, right?
Mr. Rizzuto came back with the plumbing supplies, plus a new shower head and some other stuff. I don’t really remember much after that. I just remember seeing bargains everywhere.
“We need trail mix!”
“Ooo! Corn tortillas!”
“Barbeque sauce is two for a dollar!”
“I already got a dozen!”
By the end we were pretty much just waving our arms, running up and down the aisles and babbling incoherently. I think Janey was crying. I’m pretty sure she’s trying to get us booked on Intervention. When it was all over we left with two full shopping carts.
“I feel cheap and tawdry,” I said.
“I love bargains,” said Mr. Rizzuto.
“I’m so ashamed.”
“Look on the bright side. If child protective services came to our house today at least they’d see that we have plenty of food in the cabinets.”
He had a point.
This was us at Wal-Mart. (And yes, we did get a case of Ramen noodles.)