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OK, I’ll say it.  Sarah Palin is a pig.

Howdy folks.  Sorry I’ve been absent from the internets lately, but it turns out that being a soccer mom is more work than you would think.  But more about that later.

Earlier in the week I had to go into the office which meant that I had to drive into the city and camp out at my old house.  The new tenant isn’t in there yet and I wasn’t thrilled at the idea of being there all alone, so I decided to take Noggin Rizzuto with me on the trip.

Noggin is Puppy Rizzuto’s son.  He’s a very interesting dog.  Despite his name, he isn’t the sharpest knife in the drawer.  You might say he’s all brawn and no brains.  He probably weighs about as much as I do only it’s all muscle instead of flab.  Sometimes for fun he likes to hang from trees by his jaws.  Once he was running around in our yard at full speed and while I was bending down to look at something he crashed into my head, head first.  I’ve never been the same since.  I’m glad he likes me.  We always sleep very well knowing that Noggin is on duty, we really never even had to lock our doors.  Everyone in the neighborhood knew not to fucks with the Rizzutos.

So Noggin and I drove from upstate back to NYC.  It gave us a chance to catch up on things.  Noggin takes his bodyguard duties very seriously so every time we passed a motorcyclist or a toll booth attendant Noggin had to tell them something.  He wouldn’t want anyone to make a mistake and mess with me because then he’d have to open up a can of whoop ass and you guys would probably see us on CNN. 

Other than that the trip was pretty uneventful, except that my GPS (we call her Diane) sent me the wrong way and I had to go through the Holland Tunnel to get to Staten Island (and if you know anything about NYC you know that that makes no sense).  Noggin didn’t like the tunnel and he told everyone so.

Since I got home late that night and I didn’t feel like cooking I decided that we’d have dinner at Taco Bell.  I didn’t take him with me though, I left him at home while I went through the drive-thru.  When I got back he was wringing his paws because I guess he thought I left him alone.  I felt guilty so I shared my Tacos with him.  Then I asked him if I could have some of his dog food and he said no.  Then we went to bed.  At first Noggin thought he would sleep on the floor, but then he realized that my air mattress looked a lot more comfortable.  Then at some point he realized that I looked a lot more comfortable than the air mattress so he ended up on top of me.  I asked him if I could get him anything else and if he was comfortable but I don’t think he appreciated my sarcasm.  Dogs have no sense of humor.

On the trip I did broach the subject about his mother.  You know, since we might have to put her to sleep and all.  I asked him if he was worried and if he understood what was going on with her, but he didn’t want to talk about it so I just let it go.  I hope we don’t have to get him counselling.

I guess I’ll tell you about the soccer later.

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14 Comments

  1. You have tenants!? *crash, thud* I didn’t know you were a “wealthy” blogger…

    Noggin sounds like a good dog. Does he have any sisters?

    As for GPS, my daughter calls hers Barb, and she’s wrong at least half of the time. I told daughter she really should have accepted that map I bought her for graduation. They are never wrong.

  2. That’s funny, I didn’t know I was a wealthy blogger either.

    Noggin does have sisters, but they don’t live with us. One of them has a couple of extra toes like her mother.

    Diane is wrong a lot also. And when you don’t take her advice she can be very condescending.

    • Anners Scribonia Caesar
    • Posted September 10, 2008 at 3:26 pm
    • Permalink
    • Reply

    “Everyone in the neighborhood knew not to fucks with the Rizzutos.”

    Hee.

    Hi Wanda!

  3. There’s a Nogginesque fella who lives next door to me now. I’ve made friends with him. Any dog that weighs as much as I do needs to be on my side. It’s always a little unsettling, though, when he jumps up to lick my face, because there’s always the slim chance he could be jumping up to tear it off, but I’m generally more trusting than that.

  4. I’m glad you took a bodyguard.

  5. “It’s always a little unsettling, though, when he jumps up to lick my face, because there’s always the slim chance he could be jumping up to tear it off…”

    Welcome to my world.

  6. Hi Anners!

  7. My people are MUCH better to sleep with. And? When we’re going to tear your face off? We tell you first. We just don’t tell you when we’re going to take offense, leap straight up with claws extended, and dangle from the sides of your chest.

    Hi Sissy!

  8. Hi Sissy! You cats are a million laughs.

  9. Noggin Rizzuto! I picture him like a canine PopEye!

    We have a name for our GPS too. We call her Tina, after Tina Turner 😀

  10. Wanda, you’re insulting pigs.

    Read this!
    http://www.mollygood.com/22741-20080909/
    I couldn’t believe my eyes. Posted on my blog too, but I want the word out there. Peeps must know this!

  11. my dogs are like 3 supersensitive alarms. The go batshit nuts when anything begins to descend down our long driveway. Once a came to the door only to see the beefy electrician running out the gate. He was scared of my chihuaha cross.

  12. Great Wanda. Don’t listen to LFC: Dogs rock. I’d like to meet this fella.

  13. Wanda – what a great name for your dog!

    I love your blog – makes me laugh and cry from laughing!

    Lord – I’m thankful for Miranduh Kerr because if it werent for her natural ability to be a media whore social retard, I might never have stumbled across some of the best bloggers and women out there in cyberspace! LOL! I owe her….but instead I prefer just picturing my boot up her over-exposed ass! Long live the haters! I never knew I could love the “haters” so much!


One Trackback/Pingback

  1. By Deadpan » Wanda’s House (Part II) on 20 Sep 2008 at 3:39 pm

    […] is my dog/bodyguard, Noggin.  Puppy wouldn’t let me take her picture, she doesn’t want to be remembered the way […]

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