Well, well, it’s great to be back. I’ve had quite a few adventures the last couple of weeks, but there’s one in particular I know you’re just dying to hear about.
Guess what I found out? I found out that all this time I’ve been pining away over Orlando his girlfriend has been living just half a block away from my office. Can you believe it? I might have bumped into him a million times and not even known it.
I found out because there’s a big kerfuffle on the message boards over some pictures that were taken outside of the dingo’s house a week or so ago. It seems that the poor supercouple just can’t be left alone. The paparazzi have been camping outside the building just waiting for a glimpse. At least that’s how the fangirls say it happened. How else would the paps know the exact time they were going to be there? And don’t tell me their publicists called it in, a big Hollywood star and his supermodel girlfriend would never resort to such pedestrian tactics. They’ve been stalked! Stalked, I tell you! Won’t someone please give these poor people some privacy?
Hey, not me. Why should the paps be the only ones to get paid? I have a camera, and as luck would have it I had to stop by the office. I wonder how much they pay for pics of these two? If Brad and Angie’s kids got $14 mil, I had to at least get two or three, right? So long car payment!
So with my camera at the ready I made my way down the block. I only hoped I wouldn’t get horribly injured by the hoards and throngs of paps that were sure to be lining the sidewalk. But there was just one problem…
Nobody was there.
Maybe they followed her to the drugstore.
Nope. I think I saw some tumbleweed.
Wait…is that…? Oh. Never mind.
I don’t get it. Was it a national holiday or something? Was the pope in town? Where were all the paps? Anyone?
(OK, OK, I know some of you guys were expecting me to roll a cabbage through the lobby. I got tied up at work, OK? I’m only going in a couple of times a month these days, catch me in a couple of weeks.)