Well folks, I’m going away this weekend for my Super Secret Internet Group’s convention. Between Dance Dance Revolution, quarters and plotting world domination I’ll have nary a chance to gloat about the KerrBloom splitup. Also by the time I get back on Monday the KerrBloom sex tape will probably be out of post-production, so here’s some enjoyment until then.
Word on the street thus far is that Orly is moving into a new apartment and the new landlord doesn’t allow pets. Rather than face an uncertain future in a no-kill shelter the dingo was seen humping the leg of one Brandon Davis (a.k.a. Greasy Bear), homophobe, racist and erstwhile heir to an oil fortune. This is a most unfortunate turn of events for the dingo and her modelling career, which was D.O.A. until she started dating my boyfriend. (If the slags on the messboards are correct, she makes less money at David Jones modelling gig than I do at my soul-crushing middle management job, and that’s not even funny. Wait, yes it is.)
Here’s what they had to say about it at D-Listed:
“I mean, how does one even start fucking Greasy Bear? Did she slip on his greasy puddle and accidentally land on his dick made of lard? I’m the whoriest whore whoever whored and I still wouldn’t get with that. Ok…..I lie. I’d lick the tip, but just because I like the taste of Crisco.”
Miranda’s mommy isn’t having any of it though. Here’s what she had to say:
“I realise there is an interest in people who are in the spotlight, but I just can’t believe how far from the truth it gets. Miranda and Orlando have never been closer and are happier right now more so than ever.”
(Read: Muthafucka bought $100 worth of Avon off me and he’s not going anywhere til I get my monies!)
Hold on to that meal ticket girlfriend!
Wow. This post was really catty, wasn’t it? I guess I’ve been keeping it bottled up for a while. Sorry Miranda, nothing personal. It’s just that I’m sick of your cabbage face popping up every time I try to have a decent sessual fantasy about Orly. Tell you what, buy me a new hand-held shower and we’ll call it even, K?
(Do you guys think Miranda knows what erstwhile means?)
Laters. Oh, and don’t forget to vote for me for the Blogger’s Choice Awards, K? Here are the links for those of you who still can’t find the big flashing buttons: