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I watched your interview yesterday. Bummer that your dad won’t let you do any more.  I was very impressed with you.  You’re smart and very pretty.

I was so impressed with you that I want to make you an offer.  My son, Dante:



He also had his 10th birthday this week, you guys were practically made for each other!  It would be a great relief to me to know that he had someone that wasn’t a total hobag.  Mothers worry about these things you know.  Let me tell you a little about him.


  • He’s a very sensitive boy.  Girls like sensitive boys, I know because I was a girl once.
  • Mad acting skills.  He can cry on cue.
  • Great sense of humor and he’s pretty handsome if I do say so.
  • You can probably get him to do whatever you say.
  • Can sing “Kyle’s Mom Is A Big Fat Bitch” in pig latin.  (He’s not allowed to curse.)
  • Recently passed 4th grade.


  • Obsessive fascination with Pokemon.
  • Gets beat up by baby sister a lot.
  • Lost a few brain cells to Nintendo and Cartoon Network.
  • Will need braces in a year or two.
  • Sorta already has a girlfriend.

So, what do you think?  E-mail me and I’ll let you see a picture of his face.  And I’ll tell you his real name.




  1. Janey’s kinda rough, huh?

  2. Pfft, I had my oldest engaged off by the time he was seven. You are BEHIND, Sissy!

  3. Now if only her family believes in arranged marriages! Maybe. Keep us filled in.

  4. Does Dante get a say in this?

    • Daners Isadora a.k.a. Busty St. Clair
    • Posted July 10, 2008 at 5:40 am
    • Permalink
    • Reply

    Ha you’re pimping out your son!

  5. Sissy, Dante had a girlfriend when he was 3. It’s kinda long distance though.

  6. No Janers, Dante doesn’t get a say. If I left it up to him he’d marry Pikachu.

  7. I used to regularly offer my kids up as sacrifices when they were little. It didn’t do any good. I couldn’t find any takers.

  8. Older one looked at my post and said “I wasn’t seven, I was 5 and 6” and I went, “oh yeah….” I think he’d still marry her, if we hadn’t lost track. At that age she kept him under better control than I did.

  9. What; my girl isn’t good enough? She’s 1/4 Italian, I’ll have you know. That’s practically as good as having a name like Rizzuto!

  10. Jacks, your daughter is like 4.

  11. So? When they’re adults, will this age gap matter?


  12. According to the arranged marriage etiquette of “The Simpsons” — which we all know is absolutely true — shouldn’t you send her a lotus flower?

  13. Are we bidding on him, or are you only letting him go to the highest Obama?

  14. You know the Obama sisters might be running a little bit like Paris in a couple years, I’d be careful…

  15. No way Melinda!

  16. I’m just saying and all, look what happened to Amy (I Think that was her name) Ford, and all the trouble the Reagans got into, and then the Bush twins?? DC is a happenin’ place…

  17. … oh, never mind.

  18. Here’s hoping the Obama sisters don’t turn out like the Bush twins… for Dante’s sake!

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