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Twice in my life I’ve had occasion to seriously consider my own mortality. The first time was 10 years ago, the second time was last week. Both times I came to the same conclusion, that I didn’t want to die. Ever.

It’s not that I’m afraid of dying a horribly painful death, or that I’m afraid of dying alone or anything like that. I’m not afraid of going to hell either, mainly because I don’t think I deserve to go there. I know there are some out there who might disagree, but I just don’t see God punishing me with eternal damnation on a technicality like using birth control or voting democrat. No, what scares me the most is that there’s nothing after you die.

That doesn’t make a lot of sense, does it? If there’s nothing after you die, I won’t know the difference will I? Still, I’m scared. I’m afraid of those last few minutes, knowing it’s coming, and knowing that it might be the very end.

So, I now know how I want to die. I want to die on the operating table. That way I’ll just go to sleep tthinking I’m getting my tonsils out or whatever, thinking that in a couple of hours I’ll be chilling and eating ice cream, then I just won’t wake up. If there’s nothing I’ll never know. If I go to heaven, bully for me. I never knew anesthesia could be such a wonderful thing.

(Damn, that was morbid wasn’t it? Sorry about that. Here’s some levity for you: )

I just saw on TMZ that Brooke Hogan is available for public appearances at Sweet 16’s and such.  Her fee is $25,000. 

Since I’m also famous for doing nothing I’m also available.  I’ll do it for $12,500.  Consider it a bargain, the conversation will be much better than with Brooke.  Hey, you’re lucky I don’t charge by the pound.

Also, a pic of Orlando when he was a hottie:




  1. I was just talking to my Dad about this today. My Pop Pop (Dad’s Dad) is in the hospital and is probably going to pass soon. We were saying how scary it must be to *know* you are going to die and how hard it is to face your own mortality.

    I would definitely rather have you than Brooke Hogan at my party! I can pay you $10 up front and the rest in an IOU.

  2. Morbid posts featuring pics of Orlando when he was hot FTW!!!

  3. Psssh, I’ll do it for $12k.

  4. That doesn’t sound like a bad way to go, but I’ve always hoped for a car crash. Not that I want to take someone out with me (ever heard the joke “I want to leave the world the same way I entered it; screaming and covered in someone else’s blood”?), but I figured it would be an adrenaline rush just before the crash, seeing a semi or big truck, or hell, a tree coming towards me then BOOM!, and hopefully I’d die instantly. I’ve actually given this some thought… I was a very morbid child…. but I think that’s the way I’d want to go.

    Anyway, 12,5? I think you’re grossly underselling yourself, Wanda.You’re worth at least 15, if not more. Tell ya what, I’ll start saving up now and I’ll book you for my 21st birthday, while you’re still at this bargain price of 12,500. Are you avaliable November 29th, 2010?

  5. As a matter of fact Cait, I am. You might want to talk to Jackie first though, she seems to be lowballing me.

  6. I don’t know who Brooke Hogan is, but if I have another birthday party, you’re definitely invited. I can’t pay you, but I can put you up while you’re down here.

    The world’s a dimmer place without George Carlin, isn’t it?

  7. It truly is, Tigereye. It’s certainly a duller place without him, too.

  8. Cait, that car thing freaked me out just a little bit.

  9. Sorry, Anners. Like I said, I was a morbid kid.

  10. Long time no talk. Your post makes a lot of sense. The operating table may be nice, I guess. I’ve always hoped for it being in my sleep, preferably when I am 90 or 100 or 110 or older. And when I say “in my sleep,” I mean naturally, not a man with a chainsaw while I am sleeping. Sorry if you are reading this close to bedtime; that last part was a little…scary.

  11. It’s okay, Caiters.

    Hey Wanda, our boyfriend is naked.

  12. Yeah, Anners. I know. Sigh.

    Yo TJ! Where ya been young man?

    • Daners Isadora a.k.a. Busty St. Clair
    • Posted June 24, 2008 at 10:22 am
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    • Reply

    Aw, Anners!! Hugz for you.
    And dying on an operating table isn’t really such a bad way to go. Now that you have planted that seed in my head, mind you, I will not longer allow any surgery on my whatsoever. I don’t want to die, either

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