So. In Part I we examined all the plausible theories as to whether the Orlando/Miranda romance is for really reals. I think the answer is obvious. NOT!
In Part II we looked at the stunning photographic and video evidence. I think it’s been pretty well established that Orlando and Miranda are the world’s worst actors. Agreed?
The big question remains. Why? Why go to such lengths to stage a fake romance. There is no shortage of theories about that either. Here are some possibilities:
- Miranda is an old slag (in model years anyway) and has one last, pathetic chance to become a real supermodel. She needs the attention.
- Orlando is an old slag who hasn’t worked in ages. He needs the attention.
- Orlando is trying to appeal to male audiences who would think it’s cool that he’s shagging a model.
- It’s all a clever attempt to promote his new movie, Hong Kong Phooey.
- He’s gay.
There, I said it.
Yes, I know. You’ve all been trying to tell me that for months. I’ve been in denial, OK?
I hasten to add that his gayness doesn’t matter to me in the least. I don’t care. I still want to fark him. He can glue his eyes shut and pretend I’m Neil Patrick Harris for all I care, I have no pride. Orly is gay and that’s OK!
Say it with me girls (and boys)! Orly is gay and that’s OK!
It hurts a little less every time you say it.
(At this point in the story I was going to post a Orlando gay porn story I accidentally stumbled upon, but I decided against it. I found it when someone found my blog by Googling “Orlando Bloom blowjob.” If you’re that curious by all means Google it yourself. Meh. Screw it. Here it is.)
I suppose we’ll never know the real answer as the once pap-happy couple seems to have fallen off the face of the earth. Did they meet with foul play? I fear that my muckraking may have put me in danger as well, so if I disappear as well please avenge my death.
BTW, I think we need some “dingo took my baby” t-shirts.