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Dingo
A dingo took my baby!

So.  In Part I we examined all the plausible theories as to whether the Orlando/Miranda romance is for really reals.  I think the answer is obvious.  NOT!

In Part II we looked at the stunning photographic and video evidence.  I think it’s been pretty well established that Orlando and Miranda are the world’s worst actors.  Agreed?

The big question remains.  Why?  Why go to such lengths to stage a fake romance.  There is no shortage of theories about that either.  Here are some possibilities:

  1. Miranda is an old slag (in model years anyway) and has one last, pathetic chance to become a real supermodel.  She needs the attention.
  2. Orlando is an old slag who hasn’t worked in ages.  He needs the attention.
  3. Orlando is trying to appeal to male audiences who would think it’s cool that he’s shagging a model.
  4. It’s all a clever attempt to promote his new movie, Hong Kong Phooey.
  5. He’s gay.

There, I said it.

Yes, I know.  You’ve all been trying to tell me that for months.  I’ve been in denial, OK?

What?  You don’t think so?  Then how do you explain the ballet flats?  Or the parasol?  Or the fact that he refuses to call me or leave a gd comment?

I hasten to add that his gayness doesn’t matter to me in the least.  I don’t care.  I still want to fark him.  He can glue his eyes shut and pretend I’m Neil Patrick Harris for all I care, I have no pride.  Orly is gay and that’s OK!

Say it with me girls (and boys)!  Orly is gay and that’s OK!

It hurts a little less every time you say it. 

(At this point in the story I was going to post a Orlando gay porn story I accidentally stumbled upon, but I decided against it.  I found it when someone found my blog by Googling “Orlando Bloom blowjob.”  If you’re that curious by all means Google it yourself.  Meh.  Screw it.  Here it is.)

I suppose we’ll never know the real answer as the once pap-happy couple seems to have fallen off the face of the earth.  Did they meet with foul play?  I fear that my muckraking may have put me in danger as well, so if I disappear as well please avenge my death.

BTW, I think we need some “dingo took my baby” t-shirts.

 

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19 Comments

  1. asdfghjkl!11111111111

    Wanda! That was the best literature I have ever read.

    That dingo pic! Someone should superimpose that on Mirandingo’s cabbage head. Yes.

    Also the question “did they meet with foul play” always makes me giggle even thought it totes should not.

    Thank you for making miserable old Anners laugh.

  2. He honestly lets that thing near his wee oui oui?!

  3. Wanda, by denial I take it that you don’t mean the river in Egypt?

    I’ve admitted once before that I’d rather he be a raging homosexual than be shagging the dingo.

    Reality is a bytch, ain’t it? Still Orli can be anything I want him to be in my dreams. Hell he can run along a golden sandy beach in a pair of red speedos a la Baywatch if I want him to.

    “Mortensen was infact very loud about his appreciation and it is believed that they still talk about it in Sydney.” Ha. Hahaha. Hahahahahahahahaha!!

    Unfortunately I’m going to have to pass on the t-shirt since “a dingo took my baby” has a totally different meaning down here. I’d be lynched on the street.

    As for you Wanda my advice is don’t go out after dark, don’t talk to strangers, and don’t agree to meet with anyone pretending to be in the employ of Orlando Bloom. But just so you know, your posse will totally avenge your death if it comes to that.

  4. “He can glue his eyes shut and pretend I’m Neil Patrick Harris for all I care” is the funniest thing ever.

    • Daners Isadora a.k.a. Busty St. Clair
    • Posted June 7, 2008 at 1:00 am
    • Permalink
    • Reply

    Jajajajajajajjaj!!!!!

    Brilliant

  5. Nice story u sent us to – and I thought we had too much time to write crap.

    When I was spreading gay rumours on JJ someone posted that they and a friend spent the night with Orlando after he sent them some cheap alcohol – they never stated their sex.

  6. Maybe that’s the one that put the report up on The Bulge Report.

  7. Damn. Girl, if he doesn’t come by (or one of his people) and leave you a comment now, there’s no hope for the dude. Well, I personally think there’s no hope for him anyway. Any day now, we’ll be getting reports from Oz telling us he got a job in a health food store selling Vegemite. Or a job at Borders as a clerk. (Do I sense a “Clerks 3” starring Orly?)

    Just saying…

  8. Clerks 3…there’s a certain logic to that.

  9. If he was gaaaay, that would be okaaaay, I mean ‘cuz hey, I’d wanna do him annnnywaaaay….

    Sorry. Been listening to too much Avenue Q. But yeah, if he’s gay? That’s fine. It’s totally alright. No problem.

    *twitches*

  10. Why were you Googling that?

  11. You OK up there Cait?

    Stevo, I didn’t Google it, someone else did. And my blog came up. That’s not weird, is it?

  12. NO problem about Orlando, but — Vigo? Really?
    Aw.

  13. “It hurts a little less every time you say it.”

    That’s kind of like clapping for Tinker Bell, only in reverse. Although in Orly’s case, evidently NOT in reverse.

    Not buying it about Viggo, though!…

  14. So I’m thinking the Dingo ATE your baby. The word on the streets, despite the above rumor is that the canoodling has returned back to the London stage. I like to call it the dance of the showmance, visit JJ for more.

    Ps. Wanda love your sightings, especially the ferry!

  15. Hi Tallulah,

    Yeah, I saw JJ yesterday. It was kinda depressing, wasn’t it? Is it just me or does it seem like the dingo has people on payroll just to make comments over there?

  16. Hey Wanda,
    Although not one for posting very often on JJ, I do like to scan and despite what I read, I never really believed that they were done. Definitely there is a Dingo payroll and I’d like to believe Orlando is on it. Looking forward to your next installment in the saga of the dingo.

  17. Wanda, the paid shippers were always there. I’m suspecting Jared is there too. The dingo news were always on JJ back in the days when OB wasn’t playing along yet, and no other site cared. There were two kinda comments:
    1, OMG sheissogorgeouswhatabeauty
    2, who the eff is she and why would you wanna put a post of her on you blog?

    The first kind always came under various girly names, few minutes away from each other, in groups of 4-5, while the other was quite constant.
    Makes you wonder, eh?

  18. Yep. I wonder where I can get an application to be a paid shipper? I wonder how much it pays? I can totally do that.


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