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I was on my way to work the other day and I was thinking that I hadn’t posted about Orlando in a while.  Yes, he’s still ignoring me despite my best efforts.  There’s also nothing going on with him these days, not a sighting, no gossip, nothing.

That’s what I was thinking, right before all hell broke loose.  You see, Orlando was seen kanoodling (is that a word?) with some nobody celebretard, NOT MIRANDA!  O, treachery!  The message boards suddenly came alive again, and oh what a time we had!

Well, not me.  I almost never comment on message boards, but I am an enthusiastic reader.  All the fangirls have been convinced for months that the Orlando/Miranda thing is a total fake and they’re taking this as proof positive that the sham is finally over.  The beginning of the end, that’s what it is.  I love the message boards.

I have a question though.  So let’s say their relationship is a total fake.  It’s not unheard of in Hollywood.  Supposedly she’s just dating him to give her career a shot in the arm.  Lo and behold, as soon as they were tagged as an item she got some big modeling contract or other. 

So she gets a career boost, but what’s in it for him?  Let’s face it, and I hate to be the one to point this out, Orlando hasn’t worked lately.  OK, he did that I Heart New York thing or whatever that was called, and that was fun for the week or so that it lasted, but other than that?  Nada.  And all this foolishness has really pissed off his fans.  So does he get a fee for being The Boyfriend?  Does he have gambling debts that he needs the money like that?  That’s what I don’t get.  Feel free to share your insights.

In other message board news, I was really, really bored earlier in the week and decided to impersonate Miranda on one of them.  It was a spur of the moment thing, but since I have a short attention span I never did carry the joke all the way through.  However, someone did call me a “sock puppet.”  As in, “oh great, now we have a Miranda Kerr sock puppet.”  I’m pretty sure that was supposed to be an insult (they also called me a chipmunk and, of course, cabbage) but I wasn’t offended.  As a matter of fact, I thought the sock puppet analogy was quite clever.  Color me impressed.

If I wasn’t so lazy and didn’t have such a short attention span, I’d totally be doing sock puppet theater and putting it on YouTube.  OK, you wanna know the truth?  I got as far as Modell’s to buy socks and ping pong balls before I stopped myself.  I’m not sure if I can pull it off anyway since I’ll need a lot of extra hands, and since I can’t use Dante to help because any Orlando sock puppetry is almost sure include a certain amount of gay porn.  I’m such a bitch, but I just gotta be me.  I’ll let you know if I change my mind.

Have a great holiday folks.  Here’s some message board fun if you need a few yucks. 



  1. OK, best message board comment EVER:

    “it is a very good book. I almost cryied in the end. Orlando Bloom is origionally jewish wouldn’t be sad if Orlando lived in that time period and went to a consentration camp and died? I would cry!!!! 😥 ”

    (re: Night by Elie Wiesel)

  2. ^ Hahahahahahha. That is the best message board comment ever. Did you write it, Wanda?

    I have no idea what he’s getting out of this relationship except for wild animal sex.


  3. Wanda- that is the best message board comment! I love it.
    Oral was “originally” Jewish? Was Miranda “originally” a cabbage?

    Also, that’s awesome that you pretended to be MK! I wonder if I read any of your posts 🙂

    And you should totally do a sock puppet show! Ask Mr. Rizz to help ya.

  4. That’s SO much sewing…I say cut out faces and glue them on the socks. And perhaps you could just put eyes on a cabbage for MK…

  5. I think your sock puppetry would be miles ahead of Orly’s acting talents.

    He’s looking very ragged, Wanda. Is that part of the charm?

  6. He is looking ragged these days Stevo. That’s what happens when you hang out with a dingo.

    Sissy, the cabbage idea is a good one, but how can I do the facial expressions and what not? I’ll have to mull this over.

  7. Oh, and there wouldn’t be that much sewing, I found some kid-friendly instructions.

    • Bunny Dixonjugs Is Daners' Bond Girl Name
    • Posted May 24, 2008 at 9:43 am
    • Permalink
    • Reply

    “it is a very good book. I almost cryied in the end. Orlando Bloom is origionally jewish wouldn’t be sad if Orlando lived in that time period and went to a consentration camp and died? I would cry!!!! 😥 ”

    Gold! Pure gold!

    I second the vote for Wanda sock puppets!

  8. Sock puppets could be fun — I have a little experience with the concept. You could use the leaf from a cabbage with raisin eyes, carrot stick eyebrows, and a variety of radish slices, moving those parts around to achieve facial expressions. It could be done. Sock puppet is metaphorical.

  9. That sounds a little complicated.

    There’s someone on IMDB now who’s claiming to be Orlando. He’s not even trying to be funny. It’s so funny!

  10. Thanks to you I can admit, here at least where no one will see it, that I am a celeb message board whore. Entertainment board whore in general, really. Some of those people are freaking hilarious.

  11. I think it’s a set up so that people don’t realize that he has a different sexual preference than they are trying to let on.

    Sock puppets would be funny. Ask Orly for his.

  12. If it’s a shame (and I’m thinking it is) then it’s proof he swings the other way.

    What the hell was with that comment? She would cry if Orlando Bloom died (even tho she would never learn of his existence) but not for all the people who actually did die?

  13. Christ on a cracker! There are over two thousand comments on a JJ post.

    I love how they all seem to think they know Miranda’s personality better than he does.

    It is totally sad that people put that much much time, thought and emotional energy into an internet post about a stranger. It then freaks me out to realise that I go a step further and actually write posts about celebs. Only I don’t do it coz I’m lustfully obsessed with one of them, I do it coz I find it entertaining to make mean jokes about celebs (which probably even more pathetic).

  14. But Janers, Kate Blogsworth is brilliant!

    Johnno, which message boards do you visit?

    And Corina, he’s not gay! That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

  15. Hopefully it makes people laugh (just like the messboards do).

    I just wish I could be funny without being evil. Anners can manage it.

  16. “Canoodling” yes a word.

    You’re right about Orlando not working. I’ve been combing the ancient mags to try to find a decent pic of him, and nothing comes up from recent issues. I think he’s a has-been, Wanda. I’m sorry, but you’re in love with a has-been…


  17. Actually, after much discussion, we on JJ figured that there is only one thing he could gain from it. He might wanna build a new fanbase, this time among men.
    He’s too old for the screaming teen girls, so he needs to appeal for a new audience. Banging a VS model and riding a dirtbike might be the way to make guys think “whoa, whatta guy”, or at least that could have been the plan. We know how it turned out, but maybe it could have worked.

    Sure, that too is only guesswork, but I am trying my best to find logic in a mad world.

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