Psst, Vito. Dude. You pro-family Republicans never will learn, will you?
If you’re going to be pro-family, don’t have an affair.
If you’re going to have an affair, don’t get the bimbo pregnant. (I know we Catholics aren’t supposed to use birth control, but now isn’t the time to nitpick.)
If you’re going to get the bimbo pregnant, be sure to keep your nose clean. Don’t go bar hopping and then try to drive home. Call a cab.
If you get arrested for DUI, don’t have the bimbo bail you out.
You see Vito, once you get the DUI it’s only a matter of time before all the other shit starts to unravel. Once the shit starts to unravel people will be a lot less forgiving since you were pro-family to begin with, because now you just look like another hypocrite.
I hope we never have to revisit this unpleasantness. See you on the ferry.
Your soon-to-be erstwhile constituent,