Why Miranda? Why?
First, you fark my boyfriend. It’s cool, he doesn’t actually know I exist so I suppose he has to fark someone. Then I have to delete all my Google alerts because you keep turning up in them. And OK, so they’re saying that you’re about to get engaged. Again, it’s cool. It had to happen sooner or later. Did I jump on the Miranda Haters bandwagon? Noooo. Hell, I even wrote a semi-supportive post about how unfair it was to call you a cabbage. Then, I read this. Writing a book, eh? For teenage girls?
Here’s the problem. I’m trying to take the high road, but you’re making it difficult. How can I take the high road when I read statements like this:
“It will also be chock-full of handy hints, including the importance of carrying a magnet (great for bringing positive vibes into your life).”
“Kerr, who studied nutrition and sport psychology, is keen to help others in their journey to find the right healthy path.”
Or (God help us all) this:
“‘You can change even the structure of your cells with your mind,’ she attests. ‘It is such a powerful tool.”’
I’m not a crazy fangirl. I’m not. A crazy fangirl, particularly one with real writing skills, would skewer you with jokes about moving your brain cells, or point out that watching a Billy Blanks infomercial doesn’t amount to “studying sport psychology”. Someone might even have the poor taste to suggest book titles like He’s Still Gay Because You’re A Quitter or Vomiting For Fun And Profit.
But I’m not like that. I won’t write volumes about how a 60 pound underwear model is probably the last person on earth who should be giving advice to young girls about body image. I won’t rant and rave about why vacuously stupid celebrities think that they’re qualified to write books while people with real talent struggle to get published. Not me.
Tell you what Miranda. You go right ahead and fark my boyfriend. Tell him I said hi. Marry him for all I care. Let’s just all remember to stay in our places, shall we? You stop all this silly talk about writing books and I won’t walk down the runway in my drawers. Deal?
Thanks in advance,