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Funny thing about those message boards, you just never know what you’re going to read.  For instance, I learned recently that Miranda Kerr looks like a cabbage.  I spent a couple of days thinking that, OK, maybe she does sort of, in a strange way resemble a cabbage.  Then I realized that they were probably talking about a Cabbage Patch Doll, which makes a lot more sense.

 

Some message boards are very strict and Nazi-like about the comments that you’re allowed to make, which is very honorable, but farking boring if you ask me.  I like the no-holds-barred boards, they make me feel much better about myself.  I feel better about myself because I know that I would never compare Orlando’s girlfriend to a cabbage.  Maybe I think she looks like a cabbage and maybe I don’t, but I won’t say so either way.  Why?  Because even I know that while she might look like a vegetable, or any random inanimate object for that matter, she still has a lot more modeling contracts that I have.  I don’t have any, so if I said she was ugly that would totally be sour grapes on my part.  I may not be a hot model but I’m very self-aware.  And I’m still fabulous anyway, so I don’t care so much about the state of my modeling career.

 

I’ve been peeking around the boards lately and I see that some of the Bloomies are up in arms about his girlfriend who doesn’t necessarily look like a cabbage.  That’s another thing I find funny about the board regulars.  They all seem to know the most intimate details about Orlando’s life, which is pretty ridiculous because if they were in a position to know about these things they sure as hell wouldn’t be talking about it all over the internet.  Anyway, from what I gather they’re all upset because Non-Cabbage was recently dating some guy named Jay and she cheated on him with Orlando and isn’t she a bitch for that, and now she and Orlando are a couple but everyone knows it’s all fake because they’re just using each other to further each other’s careers and he’s a big liar with no talent who can’t get a decent acting job these days if his life depended on it and they can’t believe they ever liked him in the first place.  Oh, and he farks everything that moves.

 

(I don’t know why I keep saying “fark.”  It’s better than “fuck,” isn’t it?)

 

So, even though I’m stealing this idea from Anners, here’s some interesting stuff I found on the boards.  And if you guys would write more and keep me entertained I wouldn’t have to be stealing your material, or trolling the message boards for that matter.

 

LOL. How long is she going to run with this lie.  Orlando did not go to Sydney with her and she won’t admit it, He didn’t go to the dinner. LOL  and he wasn’t at the airport with her. She told the press he was “holed up in his hotel”. Please try and use logic people. Why would he go and then stay holed up in his hotel the whole time.  The whole thing is a ruse!

Looks natural… NOT!

 

Urgh she is ugly in that pic, god she really is fugly and a butterface- now I get why some of his fans like her- she is prob uglier than them lmao!!

 

He lies all the time, what is true about him anymore?? 

The girls that he has had sex with are (the ones we are aware of of course):

1:Maddy Ford
2:Charmaine Garcia
3:Kate Bosworth
4:Miranda Kerr

(I don’t know who these people are.)

Haven’t you seen Haven? He was very sweet and sensitive with his girlfriend, it was very believable and Orlando himself said that his character in that movie was the closest to who he is in real life

 

(Yeah…I saw it.)

 

She’s not even that cute. We ORLANDO fans know they will be over before the end of the year. I don’t hate when he gets a girl friend as long as she’s right for him say Jennifer Aniston or Naomie Harris. Underwear girl is too cheesy. SHE MAKES A LIVING IN HER UNDERWEAR FOR GOSH SAKES!

 

she has gotten him to oz, but it doesn’t appear that he is cooperating and doing the big papfest she was counting on. No pictures of them together yer, no show at her big night, not supposed to go to any shows. It seems like he may be living up to what ever contract that said he had to make one trip to Oz but he is doing as little as he possibley can. I think this final trip may very weill be the end of the whole thing. I think she has opened her mouth and gushed one too many times. Andnow I will post at his tread, because the girl is famous only for who her luggage is, and doesn’t deserve the attention her own thread gives her. I would love to see hardly any posts here.

Everytime we see this girl it mention’s orlando in her interviews and magazine articles this girl has no career besides the fact for being known as orlandos girl and thats what she makes it seem like because when they mention it she is so quick to respond shes gonna be old news in the summer when orlando dumps her!!!

i dont uderstand the heat that models who date actors get it’s sad toee women jelous of another women and throu up thier hate

 

I don’t think anyone here cares if he sees more than Miranda. In fact I think most are praying for it!!!
I hope he has three or four on the side. Just keep away from the cabbage soup. It’s bad for your health.

That man has orlandos dozy expression, doubt his coq is that big like.

 

(I know that one was off-topic, but I just had to include it.)

 

How a man never cares about a woman who has had loads of sex partners.. Condoms split- no guarantee!  How a man can start to date a woman within WEEKS of her splitting with her long term partner who she said she LOVED.  How a man can be with an obvious famewhore who uses his name at every opportunity for her own gain.  How a man can be with a woman who keeps giving snippets of info about said relationship whilst pretending she does the opposite.  How a man cant see a woman is an out and out liar.  How a man can be with a woman who has shown her naked body to the world.  I will never understand it. Sex can be gotten from more discreet places, and there are better women to have a relationship with.  

She must have given him the best BJ he has everh had.

That is a bunch of garbage and lies.

 

God, I LOVE this place! What a nice relief from the Obama “Bittergate”.
Orlando knows there are two types of women in the world, and he knows which Miranda is – after all, he’s had about 1000 of them

 

I wonder who this poor Jay guy is?  I’ll be he knows how to get in touch with Orlando.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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36 Comments

    • Bunny Dixonjugs Is Daners' Bond Girl Name
    • Posted April 23, 2008 at 6:28 pm
    • Permalink
    • Reply

    I wish I could make a living in my underwear. 😦 That would be awesome. Like if I worked from home, I could sit in my underwear all day long. Bliss, if you ask me.

    And the fact someone mentioned Obama on an Orlando messboard cracked me the hell up. I don’t know why.

  1. ‘Sup Daners!

    I’m glad I made you laugh. I had some trouble with the formatting on this one.

    • Bunny Dixonjugs Is Daners' Bond Girl Name
    • Posted April 23, 2008 at 6:50 pm
    • Permalink
    • Reply

    Hidee-ho

    I noticed. I typed the message, then it changed after I hit submit. It frightened and confused me.

  2. Sorry.

    • Bunny Dixonjugs Is Daners' Bond Girl Name
    • Posted April 23, 2008 at 7:14 pm
    • Permalink
    • Reply

    It’s okay. I’ll be sending you my therapist bills.

    • Bunny Dixonjugs Is Daners' Bond Girl Name
    • Posted April 23, 2008 at 8:45 pm
    • Permalink
    • Reply

    Ian Cheng? Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

  3. “Urgh she is ugly in that pic, god she really is fugly and a butterface- now I get why some of his fans like her- she is prob uglier than them lmao!!”

    Oh, that was a good one. Ha! I could read this stuff for an hour a day and not be bored. Ha. I won’t do that, though.

  4. “How a man can start to date a woman within WEEKS of her splitting with her long term partner who she said she LOVED. . . How a man can be with a woman who has shown her naked body to the world. . .”

    Okay, this one is my all-time favorite! I needed that laugh.

  5. A cabbage. Hmm. I don’t see it.

  6. Aw, shit! I’m never gonna be able to look at my Cabbage Patch Kid the same way ever again. And I love that doll! Just for the record, he is way cuter than Miranda.

    Here is my current favourite comment from one of the Orlando messboards I’ve been visiting lately. I’ve taken out the commenters names in order to protect the stupid….

    Well I found a message here on the tagboard, but I don’t know what it means, my English is too poor to pick out more than a couple of words….OZ is it a channel?

    And the response…..

    According to http://www.news.com.au/heraldsun/sto…80-662,00.html Orlando is Australia with Miranda Kerr, who is there on business. The article says that she is supposed at a gala dinner for DJ. Orlando was spotted shopping for a suit. They speculated he might be wanting to impress Miranda’s father but it’s more likely that he’s going to be at some of the events with her including that dinner, a race at an exclusive horseracing club and so on.

    Don’t worry about your English being the problem because whoever wrote the article wasn’t writing the usual sort of English. Frockfest??

    Look here rude, ignorant messboarder. The article was written by an Australian, for an Australian newspaper, for an Australian audience. It’s not our fault you don’t get it. How about you get with the program and learn some Aussie lingo? And OZ – is it a channel? Where do you people live? Under a rock? I almost had to join up as a member in order to post that very same comment. But I managed to hold my tongue.

  7. But I thought Oz was a TV show about prison.

    Listen up peeps, I’m keeping that pingback because I could use the clicks but DO NOT CLICK ON IT. I did and I saw something that I’ll take to my grave.

  8. Who’s Ian Cheng?

  9. Never mind, I deleted it. Yuck.

  10. I used to work from home, so I know that pajamas are the best computer couture you could get.

    I think you’re expending too much time on this farkin’ girl.

  11. I think I’ll start a dating service for Mr. Bloom. If any of you ladies would care to participate add me to your blogrolls.

    Wanda: You are a model, I’ve seen your ass on swag. Orlando should be with you, he’d never have to worry about your love child being eaten by a dingo.

  12. Will the dating service be called http://www.meandorlandomamba.com? Sign me up for that.

  13. I. . .don’t know what to say. Except that you never see things like this on cat blogs. There’s some where you get pictures of cats’ bottoms. But no cabbages.

    I’ll go along with Stevo, though–Wanda’s way prettier than anybody Mr. Bloom dates. Also than Mr. Bloom.

  14. Cabbage patch kids always freaked me out.

    That one laughing about the fact that she thought Miranda had lied about bringing Orlando was hilarious (no one is stupid enough to make that sort of PR eph up).

    You know I remember reading one of her interviews a while back. They asked her about whorlando and she said they were friends and he was very sweet and knows she had a boyfriend so would never try anything.

  15. Miranda Kerr has quite possibly been in more laps than a napkin.

  16. It’s her boyfriend that has been in more laps than a napkin.

  17. OMFG.. i so agree… Miranda Kerr is a fame whore

  18. Okay, I don’t care if she’s telling the truth or not, I really don’t care. What I care about is that she’s with Orlando I’m jealous! Orlando has beautiful eyes and sexy thin lips, tall and looks charming and I think he’s preparing for a new movie and he appeared different commercials for toyota. Now about Miranda I think she’s pretty and she do anything to keep Orlando Bloom, won’t you do the same if you have Orlando as a boyfriend? If she’s good in bed wouldn’t you want to be too, to please your man? I’ll take her place any day but I never hated any of Orlando’s girl just because they won Orlando’s heart and tickle his fancy.

    Hey, if he’s happy then so be it but I do hope to be in her place.

  19. Okay, I don’t care if she’s telling the truth or not, I really don’t care. What I care about is that she’s with Orlando I’m jealous! Orlando has beautiful eyes and sexy thin lips, tall and looks charming and I think he’s preparing for a new movie and he appeared different commercials for toyota. Now about Miranda I think she’s pretty and she’ll do anything to keep Orlando Bloom, won’t you do the same if you have Orlando as a boyfriend? If she’s good in bed wouldn’t you want to be too, to please your man? I’ll take her place any day but I never hated any of Orlando’s girl just because they won Orlando’s heart and tickle his fancy.

    Hey, if he’s happy then so be it but I do hope to be in her place.

  20. You already said that Annie.

  21. Oh Sorry for the double post maybe you can delete the first one. Thanks

  22. i am a big big Orlando Bloom’s fan maybe the biggest from my country greece.i hate Miranda Kerr so much that i would definitely liked to kill her but i can’t.she says many about our Orlie but Orlie says nothing for her.am i wrong?i don’t know.i search all the time about interviews were Orlando talks about that b****.but i don’t find anything related.can you tell me something that would make me happy?since i learned that he will marry her i am crying and i never stop….

    please please please tell me something to encourage me… 😦

  23. Maybe you should invest in a punching bag or something Anna.

    (The Orlando Chronicles is kind to animals, even dingos, and does not endorse violence of any kind).

  24. hahahahahahaha maybe i ‘ll do that Wando.and i ‘ll name the punching bag Miranda.in my country there are some biscuits named Miranda and they are awful(like Miranda Kerr!!)

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One Trackback/Pingback

  1. By Deadpan » Dear Miranda Kerr on 29 Apr 2008 at 1:21 pm

    […] happen sooner or later. Did I jump on the Miranda Haters bandwagon?  Noooo.  Hell, I even wrote a semi-supportive post about how unfair it was to call you a cabbage.  Then, I read this.  Writing a book, eh?  For […]

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