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Those Google ads might not be so useless after all.

I saw one a couple of weeks ago that said “Find Any Celebrity!”  I want to find a celebrity, so I clicked.  I didn’t expect much, but I found and ad for a book called The Celebrity Black Book.  It said that you could find any celebrity.  Anyone who’s anyone!  Surely Orlando Bloom is anyone, even after that unfortunate appearance on the Kids’ Choice Awards last night.  What the hell was he thinking?  (Warning:  the video is 3 minutes, seven seconds long, which is about 3 minutes longer than it should be.)

They didn’t have it in the bookstore near my job, or the one sorta near my job.  The only one that had it was a train ride away, and since I’m extremely lazy, I forgot about it for a little while.  Until today that is, when I was at the bookstore with Dante trying to regenerate a few of his brain cells that have been lost to the Nintendo Corporation.  Could it be?  Could the branch of B&N in my God-forsaken corner of the city possibly have The Celebrity Black Book?

It could.  It did.  And the address they had for him is not one that’s readily available on the internets.  It’s not the one where I sent his t-shirt.  So I did what any self-respecting celebrity stalker would do, I pulled out my wallet, took the pen out of my wallet, and copied Orlando’s address onto my hand.

(You didn’t really think I’d shell out $75, did you?)

I’m not sending him another t-shirt, but I will send him an obnoxious letter demanding to know why he won’t call me.  He better call me this time.  After all, I’m not nearly as pathetic as this chick, am I?  (Am I?)

And no, I won’t publish the address.  You’ll just have to go to your local bookstore and copy it onto your hand your damn self.

Note to the Mommy Police:  Please mind your own business and don’t tell me what a bad example I set for my son by copying something out of a book and not buying it.  At least I didn’t let him see the sex book I bought for Mr. Rizzuto.



  1. I love Jack Black. But that’s kind of off topic, isn’t it?

  2. It really would have been silly to spend $75 for that one tiny bit of information, don’t you think? Sinful, almost.

    Let us know if you get a reply, ‘k?

  3. (Could you please put me on your list of excellent friends? I’m a nice girl. Really.)

  4. Orlando did not take that very well. I saw regret in his posture post-slime.

    I think I don’t like him again. He’s so dumb, Wanda.

  5. Heck if he can hug a stalker, the least he can do is call you!

  6. At least you didn’t rip the page out and stick it in your purse! Now THAT would be a bad example!

  7. Probably better that you didn’t buy the celebrity address book and take notes from the sex book on your hand.

  8. He doesn’t deserve you, Wanda. Where is Mr. Rizzuto in all this? Why doesn’t he kick Orly’s posterior for him?

    He hugged the stalker, and probably filed charges, followed by a restraining order.

    My stalker recently bowed out. I have a an open spot if you’re interested in applying.

  9. Nancy! Of course you’re an excellent friend! A terrible oversight on my part, apologies!

    Stevo, I’ve been stalking you for months and you didn’t even notice.

  10. He doesn’t notice me either, but that’s because I’m tiny.

  11. I’m actually pretty impressed someone managed to break into his hotel room. It must have been an expensive place.

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