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I’m so terribly, terribly sorry that it had to come to this.

It’s just that I did everthing that I could to get you to notice me and you still don’t know I exist.  Consider this a pathetic, passive-aggressive attempt to get your attention, however negative that attention may be.  Also I’m getting really sick of seeing pictures of you and your girlfriend playing kissy face all over town. 

(Seriously, you should have a talk with your publicist about that.  Does she not understand that your fans want to think they have a chance?)

OK, the truth is that I’m having some kind of weird mid-life crisis and I’m feeling bitchy and I wanted to see if anyone would be dumb enough to believe it.  Sue me.



  1. Heeeee….love means never having to say you’re sorry, don’t you know nuthin’, Sissy? ‘Specially not for something that funny…

  2. Yeah…I’m kinda bummed that they stuck SATIRE! in the title. That so takes the wind out of my sails.

  3. I’d rather see him as Hong Kong Phooey than watch him continually attempt to suck the Dingho’s face off.

  4. Ha! I think I want to slap Orlando really hard and then put his head in a turlet (southern way to say ‘toilet’).

  5. Looks like I spoke too soon. Someone thought it was real. Hee.

    (Anners, that’s also how Archie Bunker says toilet.)

  6. Way to go Tilly, I mean Tully, errr, um Telly. Oh, whatever.

    Wanda, did you know that your blogcritic post is currently (as I’m typing this comment at 10:13pm Oz time, which is 4:15am LA time) the top link on the unofficial Canadian fansite for Orlando Bloom ( You’re famous!!

  7. Really? I am so awesome!!!!

  8. Yes, yes you are!

  9. Joders, are you awake? What time is it in Oz? (It’s 7:41 in the a.m. here.)

  10. It’s 10:45pm on Thursday night in the fair land of Oz. I’m actually heading off to bed shortly, having already lived through Thursday.

  11. Oh. My Thursday has only just begun. No fair. Nighty night!

  12. I think my eyes are playing tricks on me. I’m cornfuzed. Maybe coffee will help.

  13. That link was funny.

  14. Midlife crisis makes you very funny.

  15. OMG; the Kids Choice Awards are on, and Orlando just volunteered to get slimed with Jack Black.

  16. He is such a tool.

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