Hi. Long time no hear. What’s up with that?
I hear you’ve given up on that movie that you were going to do. I think it’s for the best, although I’m not sure how I feel about you doing a kung-fu flick. It’s OK, I know the reason you dropped out is that you didn’t want to be away from me for that long. You’re so considerate!
My friends Pandemonic and Ameboid Blurry Smile (who will always be Bongo Mirror to me) are planning something to get your attention. I don’t know what it is, I just know that it requires good weather and that it might be big news up north. That’s what Pan says anyway. You can read it for yourself. I can’t wait to see what it is, can you? I have a feeling it’s going to have something to do with that picture of my arse up yonder. Whatever. I just hope a bunch of horny Canadians don’t end up whacking off on my picture. Mr. Rizzuto would think that was very funny, but me, not so much.
You aren’t still keeping company with that Australian, are you? Have you forgotten how awesome I am? I think you may have, which is why I’ve prepared the following list of reasons you’d be much better off with me:
- I will only require 36 minutes of your time, at any given time.
- I’m not interested in cuddling or pillow talk. In fact, once your 36 minutes are up please feel free to get the hell out of my house.
- The paparazzi will never find you in my neighborhood.
- I don’t care about long-term commitments, children or 3-bedroom houses. I already have all that stuff.
- That picture of my arse up yonder.
- I’ll do everything.
- I won’t throw a hissy fit about your personal hygine. I’ll even help you get cleaned up!
- I’ll never blow smoke up your ass about the state of your career and I’ll actively discourage you from doing movies like Elizabethtown.
- I’m delightfully spontaneous and unpredictible. I’ve already changed my mind about #6.
- For all you know I could be prettier than that dingo anyway.
Convinced yet? What if I told you I’d hook you up with Anners when I’m done with you? My e-mail addy is right there on my About page, K?