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My excellent friend Pandemonic has a plan afoot to help me snag Orlando.  Do you see what a great example she’s setting for the rest of you?  What a great friend she is!  She is so excellent and creative!

I should point out that I have no idea what her plan is, I only know that it requires good weather.  I suspect my ass might end up on display at a county fair or something.  We’ll see.

Anyway Pan, don’t worry about him jetting off to England.  He’s a kazillioaire, he can fly his ass back if he has to.



  1. Ha. Kazillionare.

    Hahah and you’ve been trolling the streets of NYC looking for him!

  2. He might be allergic to cats. Lots of people are. Would you still want him if he was all red-nosed and sneezy?

    I don’t think we can take the risk.

  3. I need fair weather, and the thermometer says 11 freakin’ degrees! By the way, you should have seen the look on that guy’s face at Kinko’s… 🙂

  4. The look on the guy’s face at Kinko’s intrigues me.

    What? No picture, Pan?

  5. Kinkos?

    Sissy, Orli is a confirmed animal lover. No allergies there.

  6. I can already hear a great pickup line: “Hey, sweetie, wanna come meet my pit bulls?”

    Hmm… You know, we could lure him to a beach down here soon, and he could see your famous ass in person. Let me work on some logistics…

  7. I can’t Photoshop my real ass though.

  8. Wanda, you don’t have to photoshop your real ass. I can poke him in the eye or throw sand in his face and he won’t see a thing. (Not that I think anyone needs to be protected from the sight of your I’m stopping now before I get in trouble.)

    I could also bring some friends and you could stand in the glare of our pasty winter whiteness for a nice halo effect.

  9. Quill is so funny. I’m rolling. Honestly, it’s going to be hard to explain this to my coworkers.

  10. ^ Hahahha! Pasty Winter whiteness!

    * Give it up, Wanda. I’m NEVER going to help you connect with Orlando for obvious reasons.

  11. Kinda reminds me of the Elizabeth Taylor’s Diamonds commercial.

    Anners, why wouldn’t you help me? You know I can’t keep him so I have to pass him along to someone.

    But hey, I’m sure I can interest Joders or Cait….

  12. I have the solution…

    1) Create an award: The Rizzuto Award for Sexy Excellence.

    2) Start a website promoting said award.

    3) Send Orlando’s people a letter indicating he has won said award. Set date for ceremony.

    4) Have Mr. R. place a red carpet from the street to your “lair.”

    5) Send Mr. R and children away.

    6) After Orly arrives to pick up the Golden Wanda Ass Statue pounce on him.

    7) Enjoy.

  13. This post is brilliant. I can’t add anything. (I mean I can’t add to its brilliance. I am adding a comment. It just doesn’t add any value other than that I’m saying “hi”).

  14. I dunno about being a kazillionare. Does he work anymore. I guess he has lots of savings from not bothering to buy new stuff to wear, soap or a washing machine.

    Sadly I think the only way to shag orlando is to starve to down to model/concentration camp victim proportions and then hang around one of those hollywood hotspots (the ones celebs get drunk at and then drive home).

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