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Kidding!  I don’t believe in violence.  I always give peace a chance.

Seriously, I’m OK with Orlando being a big cheater.  He’ll come back to me.  I’ll just have to get a billboard…but more about that later.

I’m OK.  Really.  But I’m worried about some of the other ladies.  Joders seems a little depressed, and I haven’t heard from Cait in a while.  I think Anners has gone off the deep end.

So ladies, feel better!  As a public service, I am offering Deadpan’s comment box for you to vent your frustrations.  Let it all out, it’s OK.  Tell us how you really feel.  We don’t judge you here.  Don’t hold back!

Programming note:  violent fantasies are for entertainment purposes only.  Psycho fangirls will be laughed at and subsequently reported to The Department of Homeland Security.

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20 Comments

  1. I’m ready to kill my teenage daughter. ARGH! Five months before she’s 18 and out of here. I can’t wait for her to go to college. I’ve had enough angst in the last couple of weeks to last me the rest of my life.

  2. I am glad that you are okay with this. I was afraid I was going to have to come to the city and hit the club scene so I could catch the little twerp and put him in a box for you again.

  3. I think Anners would like it if you still did that Quill.

    Excellent venting Pan! A little off topic, but who cares?

  4. I bet you could find him in Hollywood on Sunday!

  5. I would like that. Very much so!

    Wanda, I have not gone off the deep end. That’s slander!

    Rant:

    Eph you Miranda Kerr, you dingo bytch who stole our boyfriend! You’re sooooo ugly.* He doesn’t love u! He loves me, Wanda, Joders, and Cait in that order.

    * just kidding.

  6. Corina’s right. Don’t we know anyone out there who can pass him an ass shirt?

    And Anners, you call that a rant? You haven’t been on the LJ messboards lately, have you?

  7. Dear Orlando,

    Look here dickhead. I could cope with your unfaithfulness if you were shagging Scarlett Johansson. But nooooo, you couldn’t pick someone normal to have an affair with, could you? You’ve gone and picked another unnaturally tall, skeletally thin, model type. Haven’t you? And she can’t even take the time to comb her hair.

    What’s wrong with you? You had 4 beautiful, intelligent and successful women (Anners, Wanda, me and Cait) at your beck and call and we all own a comb. But that just wasn’t enough for you was it? At least the dingo isn’t blonde.

    Dickhead.

    Kind Regards

    Joders

  8. Anners very well may have fallen off the deep end (Orlando does NOT love me least! *cries*), but I’m still around. Depressed, unloved and having slightly homicidal feelings towards a certain dingo, but around nonetheless.

    Rant: Orlando, you unimaginable bastard! How DARE you choose that emaciated little tart over me! I’ve been with you since the beginning, THE BEGINNING you selfish bitch! And you’ve forsaken Wanda, too?! The woman who had an Ass Tee-shirt made especially for you, you cheating little gigolo! Are you mad?! Not only that, but you’ve gone and broken Jodie’s heart, and Anners too! You have four wonderful women starving for the smallest bit of attention, and you run off with that scrawny excuse for a female? You disgust me!

    You are sorely mistaken if you think this will be quickly forgotten. You may come crawling back, CRAWLING on your hands and knees like a beast, but you’ve made your choice. We deserve better! And we’ll get it. You’ve left me with no choice, Orlando. I’m calling my other boyfriend! Gerard would never do this to me!

  9. I’m sorry, Cait! I did not know who to put first, second, third etc. All that matters is that I was number one and the rest of you girls played second fiddle.

    ** A Rant (revisted):

    Orlando Bloom needs his knobs chopped off. PHUCK U, WHorelando Bloom, you cheap sknaky man-boy with NO GD ASS. You can’t even act for shit, okay?

    I hope you 2 skinny phucks start a damn fire in the bedroom. Sticks rubbing together = fire. But you didn’t know that because you’re very very stuuuupid. Keep an extinguisher handy, bytch face!

    You wouldn’t know a real woman if she was breast feeding a baby right in front of your GD smug, stupid, and unnaturally handsome face. I PHUCKING HATE YOU!!! Where is your loyalty and your pride? I’ve dealt with your shit since 2002, muthaphucka. First it was that blonde, baby-faced ano-retard and now this darker, taller, dingo model? What does she cook for you? Dead mice and amphibians?

    You make me want to get all Greek tragedy up in here and like, blind myself, or call upon the Gods to strike your smarmy ass down with a thunderbolt.

    You best be careful, asswipe! You have stirred the wrath of Anners.

    Elizabethtown SUCKED. HAVEN SUCKED. You RUINED Pirate’s of the Caribbean, and I am going to watch that part in Part 2 when Bootstrap Bill had to whip your ass senseless. Hahahahahaa. I’m going to slow it down, too. And I am going to be munching on Kettle Corn when this all goes down.

    I am not finished! I Will be back later provided Wanda doesn’t ban my ass…

  10. BWAHAHAH! Cheers, Anners. Great rant!

  11. I just got greeted my Wander’s arse and this hilarious title.

    I think Anners went off the deep end due to the break up with the real life boyfriend.

    and Joders, Miranda is beautiful but Scarlett is hot (well all the men’s magazines think so) so wouldn’t that be worse? He only dates women with concave chests – I still say he’s gay.

  12. *by

    sorry, that sounded creepy

  13. Anners rant made my week. Mr. Rizzuto thinks I’m nuts sitting here laughing hysterically, but the image of the two of them starting a fire? Mwaaaahaaaa!!!!

    Feel better ladies?

  14. (BTW Orlando, do you see how these fickle bitches act when you go out on one lousy date? I hope you remember this.)

  15. ! As a public service, I am offering Deadpan’s comment box for you to vent your frustrations.

    I thought you wanted me to vent MY frustrations!

    🙂

  16. “(BTW Orlando, do you see how these fickle bitches act when you go out on one lousy date? I hope you remember this.)”

    Wanda, you set us up! Bytch!

  17. Ain’t I though?

  18. As infatuated as I am with all you lovely women, I also fear and respect each of you. After reading this thread, more so than ever.

    If I were What’s-his-face and read this thread I’d come running with my tail tucked. Then I’d probably cower and pee on the floor.

  19. I hate Orlando Bloom!!!! jk jk i really love him, and of he thinks that hes gonna get away with this little affair then he can go suck a chode!!!!


One Trackback/Pingback

  1. By Deadpan » Quit Lurking! on 25 Feb 2008 at 10:35 am

    […] I got a ton of hits on my latest Orlando post, even though none of my regular readers seemed to be around much.  What’s up with […]

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