This guy from Brazil linked to my blog from his website (I’d link you up but it seems to be gone). The site is in Portuguese, but I managed to figure out what he was saying by drawing upon my Spanish skills and with a little help from my excellent friend Third Culture Mom. He compared my search for Orlando to the movie My Date With Drew. I was vaguely aware of the movie but I had never seen it. Luckily it was on cable last week so I finally got a chance to watch it. I thought maybe I could pick up a few tips on how to find Orlando.
The movie is about this guy, Brian, who has been in love with Drew Barrymore since he was a pup. He decided to try to meet her, but since he was a big nobody he wasn’t sure how he would go about doing it. Also, he was broke. All the money he had in the world was $1100 that he won on a game show. He decided to get a video camera from Circuit City (because they had a 30 day return policy) and document his pitiful attempts to find Drew.
I won’t give away too many details, but one of the main tricks he used was the “six degrees of separation” principle. If everyone is separated from everyone else in the world by only six people then that meant he was only six people away from Drew. It seems to me that that theory only works if you know who those six people are, but who am I to point that out to anyone?
I would be remiss if I didn’t mention this important detail. He finally got the idea to put up a website telling the world that he was looking for Drew, and asked if his readers would kindly put the word out for him. The results were quite impressive.
(I don’t know if you guys noticed, but I already have a website. Seems like some of us out there aren’t doing as much as we can to hook a sister up. Ahem.)
But I digress. In the end, I came to a decision. All the things Brian did in the movie? Well, I’m not going to do any of that stuff. I’m just not.
For one thing, I don’t think I’m as dedicated to the cause as he was. It’s not that I don’t love Orlando, it’s just that I don’t love him quite that much, and there’s only so much humiliation a girl can put herself through. I just don’t see wandering around Los Angeles begging personal assistants and massage therapists to put in a good word for me. It was pretty pathetic. Almost as pathetic as putting your ass on a t-shirt. A couple of times he even got teary eyed. Besides, unlike Brian, I have a job. I don’t have time for that stuff.
Also, Brian might have been goofy, but he was also sort of cute and endearing. I am none of these things. I’m sarcastic and a little bitchy. Sometimes I make thinly veiled (however loving) remarks about Orlando’s acting skills and sexual orientation, which I suspect he might not appreciate if he were ever to grace me with his presence. I’m pretty sure you all know it’s just fun and games, but sometimes people don’t get my sense of humor. Deadpan and all.
So Orlando, or whichever of your flunkeys might be reading this, unless you decide to open your mail (and you know, read it) our paths may never cross. Unless of course my readers got off their shiftless asses and decided to do their part.
Oh, one more thing about the movie. At the end, he had to return the video camera to Circuit City because the 30 days were up. They had to take still shots of him returning it. Because he didn’t have a video camera! Best movie moment ever!