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OK, maybe it’s really old news.  It’s breaking news to me because I just heard about it.  My boyfriend Orlando has been nominated for a Golden Raspberry Award.

For those of you who have never heard of The Razzies, it is an annual award given to the worst of the worst in film.  I guess you could call it the anti-Oscars.  Orlando was nominated for Worst Supporting Actor for his performance in Pirates Of The Caribbean: At World’s End.

The funny thing is, I wouldn’t even have know about it if I hadn’t visited one of the Orlando Bloom message boards.  They have officially, expressly forbidden discussion of The Razzies because, according to them, it would be pointless.  Everyone’s just going to say he didn’t deserve it, so why even bother discussing such a painful subject?

Are they sure about that?  I’m just saying.  Don’t look at me, because if you want to know the truth about it I never saw the damn movie in the first place.  I know, I know.  I told you I wasn’t cut out for the stalking business.  Look, I saw the first one and tried to watch the second but, eh, Kiera Knightly?  Meh.

Anyway, I think the message board ladies should probably get over themselves.  I mean, I like to think that Orlando would have a sense of humor about these things.  Really, wasn’t it totally cool when Natalie Wood accepted her Hasty Pudding award for being the Worst Actress in the World?  Come on, that was cool.

In other news, there seems to be a small chance that Orlando has read my blog.  People (like Mr. Rizzuto and my bud Pandemonic) have asked me repeatedly if I thought Orlando was aware of my existence.  I’ve always thought not, but according to this guy’s logic, Orlando should have discovered my blog by now.  So if you’re reading this Mr. Bloom, I must ask you this:  WTF?  How much longer are you going to let me debase myself all over the Internet?  Would it kill you to leave a sister one lousy comment?  Can’t you e-mail a sister?  Gawd.

While we wait for him to answer, I’ll leave you with this message for my bud Anners.  Anners dear, aren’t you ashamed of yourself?  He’s laughing at you for God’s sake!



  1. BTW, the first one of you bitches that says he laughs like a girl is getting popped.

  2. I suspect that one of Orlando’s minnions has read your blog on his behalf. I also suspect that she harbours secret feelings for him so she hasn’t told him about you. According to the official OB fanfic he regularly falls in love with and / or shags his assistants.

    Those Orlando messboards are funny, but scary at the same time.

    Do you know I once found 24 pages of comments about PMS and a “woman’s curse” on one of the OB messboards? The conversations had been going on for 7 months. And the same girls were coming back every single month to share more nightmarish tales of womanhood. Once I started reading I got sucked into the vortex and I couldn’t get out. I was strangely and horribly fascinated. What this all had to do with Orli, I will never know.

    That Graham Norton interview was funny, btw. I have to go back and watch it again. “….sex on the beach. Yeah and then you woke up!”. That is absolutely stellar!

  3. He deserved the Razzy nomination. He’s really a horrible actor…

    And ha ha, Wanda! Too bad I don’t messboard with Orlando slags (such as yourself) ! I swear, all I do is read and run … my favorite thread was the “What song would you sing to Orlando if you saw him?”

    Brilliant stuff.

    P.S. He’s not your boyfriend.

  4. But he does laugh like a girl and you popping me can’t change that. The Razzies must be important or they wouldn’t award them, right? And even so, if he can’t earn an Oscar at least the little feller will have something to put in his award case. Any love is good love and, with that laugh, Orlando Bloom should be grateful for every piece of hardware that comes his way.

  5. Sorry Wanda, Orlando is a city in Fla closely associated with Mickey Mouse, I just dont get all the hype.

    ps- He does laugh like a little beyotch 🙂

  6. Well, uh, I’m sure lots of very good actors have Razzies right alongside their Oscars. I can’t think of any right this second, but I feel certain they’re out there.
    What am I, the only person in America who didn’t see Pirates 3 last summer? I am, aren’t I? Tell the truth.

  7. Yes, you are.

    Anners, you and I agree about one thing, that thread about “What song would you sing to Orlando” was too funny. So funny in fact that I went back and found the link so everyone could share your genius:

    Oh, and Quill, JoJo? Shuddup!

  8. If I were Orlando, I wouldn’t have one of my candy-assed minions reading one of the greatest blogs on the planet. What? Is he too good for you? Damn Wanda, you shouldn’t let the Orlando go-fers get to you. I don’t think Orlando laughs like a girl. He’s got a nice little girly butt though. I like that!

  9. Girly butt? What girly butt? Did I miss something?

  10. Tigereye, I didn’t go either. And Wanda, I’m sure Mr. B deserves everything he gets nominated for….wait…no….

  11. Pretty things should be seen and not heard…especially pretty things called Orlando.

    His best role was Lord of the Rings where he could look ethereal and other worldly and you could put down the wierd facial expressions and bad acting to the characterization.

    I’m still with you on the lusting though.

  12. * Orly doesn’t have a girly butt! Truth be told, he has no arse at all… nobody’s perfect. Here’s the proof:

    * My genius! Hee Hee. Thank you, Wanders!! Even though you’re making fun…

    * That clip is hilarious. But I hate the way he looks on that seat. The hair is way awesome, though. I think I may have to create an account on of those messboards and start some trouble just because it looks like good times… keep your eyes peeled for Octavia of the Julii.

  13. No arse at all, you ain’t kidding!

  14. Toldja.

    Wanda, your pages are acting screwy… peep above the map.


  15. Have you seen the movie about Drew, yet? have you calculated the degree of separation between you and Orlando? If I ever run into him or someone he know, I’ll put in a word for you.

    Even if it’s someone I know who knows someone who knows someone who knows him.

    Start including things like the British pound symbol in your writing. Anything to draw attention to yourself if he is using an English (British, that is) search engine.

  16. hey wanda:D
    hahahaha, that interview was FUUNNYYYYYY.
    and i read that other guys post about christian bale, that was brilliant. if paul banks does a youtube-search, i’m dead.

  17. His laugh was the funniest thing in that video.

    I don’t think he deserved a razzie nomination for pirates, he should have got one for Elizabethtown.

  18. The absence of an Orly butt makes him a girly butt in my estimation. A girly butt that looks like mine! AAAAAAhhhh hahahahah!

  19. I thought he WAS a girl. Did I miss something?

  20. Oh snap Ina.

  21. * Ugg was here!! Hi Ugg, I luv u!
    * Pandemonic, you don’t have an arse? Does it hurt when you sit on unpadded chairs? Haha.

  22. He does kind of … titter, doesn’t he? Poor dear.

  23. Your place is valueble for me. Thanks!…

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