It’s not that I don’t loves me some Orlando, it’s just that I’m not comfortable being completely obsessed with someone I’ve never met. For that reason I studiously avoid learning bits of trivia about him, such as his middle name or favorite color. I don’t want anyone to ask me what Orlando’s favorite color is and then I promptly rattle of his life story. That would be weird and unfunny.
So, I almost forgot his birthday. Well, I didn’t exactly forget it, I just thought it was on a different day. Luckily I found out the real date in time to write this post. Yay me.
The full-time crazies on one of his message boards are planning a big thingy. I guess someone has the inside scoop on his whereabouts and address and what-not, and they’re going to send him some kind of JPEG tribute. I could have contributed, but as usual you had to abide by their strict rules and give a DNA sample. I couldn’t even leave him a heartfelt birthday message like “Visit wandarizzuto.com!” Nuts to that.
I decided I’d send him my very own present. Something that’ll keep on giving. Something huge. I wanted to send him the biggest thing ever. I decided to send him my ass.
If you’ll recall, I posted a picture of my ass not to long ago. I made a t-shirt with that ass on it, but it didn’t look right. I wasn’t digging it. I needed a new shot, so I got my personal photographer, Mr. Rizzuto, to do another shoot. He’s been looking into expanding his business to include boudoir photos anyway.
Let me tell you, being a model is a lot harder than it looks. You have to arrange yourself just so and sometimes stay in uncomfortable positions for a long time. When you’re an ass model you have to remember to do things like shave your legs and moisturize, and these things aren’t all that conducive to my lifestyle anymore. Also Mr. Rizzuto kept tugging on my drawers to make sure they were draped just right. It wasn’t fun, but I finally got an ass shot I could live with, and so on the t-shirt it went. Would you like to see it?
Coulda been worse, right? God bless the guy who invented Photoshop!
Anyway, I sent this (on a t-shirt) to Orlando for his happy birfday. If this doesn’t get his attention…well, you know. I only have so much ass to go around.
(Oh, and don’t worry. Since you’re a faithful reader you can have my ass on a t-shirt too. Or a coffee mug or a magnet. Just click here.)