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I’m not cut out for the stalking business.

It’s not that I don’t loves me some Orlando, it’s just that I’m not comfortable being completely obsessed with someone I’ve never met.  For that reason I studiously avoid learning bits of trivia about him, such as his middle name or favorite color.  I don’t want anyone to ask me what Orlando’s favorite color is and then I promptly rattle of his life story.  That would be weird and unfunny.

So, I almost forgot his birthday.  Well, I didn’t exactly forget it, I just thought it was on a different day.  Luckily I found out the real date in time to write this post.  Yay me.

The full-time crazies on one of his message boards are planning a big thingy.  I guess someone has the inside scoop on his whereabouts and address and what-not, and they’re going to send him some kind of JPEG tribute.  I could have contributed, but as usual you had to abide by their strict rules and give a DNA sample.  I couldn’t even leave him a heartfelt birthday message like “Visit wandarizzuto.com!”  Nuts to that.

I decided I’d send him my very own present.  Something that’ll keep on giving. Something huge.  I wanted to send him the biggest thing ever.  I decided to send him my ass.

If you’ll recall, I posted a picture of my ass not to long ago.  I made a t-shirt with that ass on it, but it didn’t look right.  I wasn’t digging it.  I needed a new shot, so I got my personal photographer, Mr. Rizzuto, to do another shoot.  He’s been looking into expanding his business to include boudoir photos anyway. 

Let me tell you, being a model is a lot harder than it looks.  You have to arrange yourself just so and sometimes stay in uncomfortable positions for a long time.  When you’re an ass model you have to remember to do things like shave your legs and moisturize, and these things aren’t all that conducive to my lifestyle anymore.  Also Mr. Rizzuto kept tugging on my drawers to make sure they were draped just right.  It wasn’t fun, but I finally got an ass shot I could live with, and so on the t-shirt it went.  Would you like to see it?

t-shirta.jpg

Coulda been worse, right?  God bless the guy who invented Photoshop!

Anyway, I sent this (on a t-shirt) to Orlando for his happy birfday.  If this doesn’t get his attention…well, you know.  I only have so much ass to go around.

(Oh, and don’t worry.  Since you’re a faithful reader you can have my ass on a t-shirt too.  Or a coffee mug or a magnet.  Just click here.)

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36 Comments

  1. Mr. Rizzuto is a genius. The way your legs almost make a W for Wanda is inspired.

    As I was scrolling down the page of Wanda gear I thought, “Man, I really want that Goddess on my crotch.” (no, really, I did) Low and behold, the Wanda thong: I am speechless. The throw pillow might make my wife jealous.

  2. Mr. Rizzuto extends his deepest thanks.

    You could always do some boudoir shots with Mrs. Stevo. Then she could have her own pillow.

  3. Alas, Mrs. Stevo does not much like the camera.

    I get 5 points on Wandawear, right?

  4. But of course.

  5. Those little socks just make this photo perfect, don’t they?

  6. I’ll prob need the maternity shirt. Sorry Wanda, but Orlando keeps asking me to give him a baby. He’s so weird!

    Nice ass, tho! Nice sox, too!

  7. Anners, you had me scairt for a minute there.

    It’s OK, you can have his baby. Then when your body is ruined he’ll come running back to me.

  8. Wanda don’t try and tell us u are not a full on crazy that why we love you.

    All the typhos are full on crazies.

  9. XXL in a black value shirt–Sissy, you know what your readers need! Orlando, if you’re listening, she’s pure gold! 😀

  10. Bitchin’ ass. If Orlando doesn’t come here, he’s an idiot. Or gay.

  11. He’s not gay.

  12. Holy Crap Girl! That rocks. You have a great ass. I think that everyone deserves to get a good ass on their birthday. I know someone with a birthday coming up maybe I need to look into some hot ass photography. Thanks for your inspiration!

  13. Thanks Wurdz. I know someone who can do wonders with Photoshop. Call me!

  14. Is Mr R available for home shoots? I need my ass to look that good.

  15. Make sure when you send it to Orlando, you have your t-shirt or coffee mug or thong gift-wrapped. You know, so you can give him Your Ass in a Box.

  16. Ass in a box. Hee hee!

    Pan, Mr. Rizzuto is absolutely available. As Stevo pointed out, the man is a genius. You should see what my ass really looks like.

  17. I hope he buys out your entire collection of Cafepress. Especially the boxers.

  18. You are so right Aniko. I should have sent the boxers. Damn!

  19. I just came back to see if I could linketize you.

  20. Yes you can!

  21. That’s not what I consider a large ass. I have what I consider to be a large ass. If my ass looked like that, I’d forget about losing weight and rejoice.

    It’s good you haven’t memorized his trivia. I memorized the middle names of all the Monkees forty years ago and still know them. Don’t ask me what I had for breakfast, though.

  22. OK, OK, it’s Jonathan Blanchard. Thanks a lot Anners. Gawd!

    Ina, I keep telling you, it’s PHOTOSHOP. Seriously. Also he’s good at angles and lighting and crap. I totally have a big ass.

    I can’t believe I’m on the internet trying to convince people I have a big ass.

  23. I think I meant on Cafepress. I don’t think you have a collection of websites called Cafepress.

  24. I think Mr. R rocks! He’s so generous to share your ass with us all.

    Ina…but did you ever meet any of the Monkees? I did!!!

  25. I’m so jealous of Corina. I totally was in love with Mickey. Mike was second, then Peter. Davy Jones was too much the pretty boy for me.

  26. Oh my god, you made me LAUGH OUT LOUD! Out loud and long and hard. Jeesh.
    The comments ain’t too bad, neither.

  27. Glad to be of service Nancy.

  28. David Blaine has very good showmanship and his magic tricks are good too.”`’

  29. i like the magic tricks of David Blaine but Chris Angel is much better.~.,

  30. both David Blaine and Chris Angel have great showmanship when it comes to magic tricks,-;

  31. david blaine’s magic tricks are great for the streets, he is very talented indeed:-;

  32. Blaine is not the best magician but i can say that he has great showmanship and i like his show ‘`:

  33. This domain seems to get a great deal of visitors. How do you promote it? It gives a nice unique twist on things. I guess having something useful or substantial to post about is the most important thing.

  34. Generally I do not learn article on blogs, but I would like to say that this write-up very pressured me to take a look at and do it! Your writing taste has been surprised me. Thank you, quite nice article.

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3 Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. […] of my ass like another well-known blogger’s husband takes of her ass. You can check that out HERE. My husband has a camera in his phone, but the only photos on it are those that I or my daughter […]

  2. By Deadpan » Will Work For Comments on 07 Feb 2008 at 8:44 pm

    […] out with David Blaine no less.  He didn’t call, not even to let me know that he got the t-shirt with my ass on it.  I’ve been sick all week anyway, but if I had been feeling a little better I might have […]

  3. By Deadpan » My Date With Drew? on 15 Feb 2008 at 10:06 am

    […] to put in a good word for me.  It was pretty pathetic.  Almost as pathetic as putting your ass on a t-shirt.  A couple of times he even got teary eyed.  Besides, unlike Brian, I have a job.  I don’t […]

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