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So Jamie Lynn, I hear you went and ruined your life. Congratulations on that. Pregnant at sixteen, who would have guessed? Not you or your boyfriend. No, you guys were “shocked.”

Everyone keeps talking about what a “teaching moment” this can be for teenagers. We’re supposed to be “opening a dialogue”. The thing is, everyone’s scared to ask the most important question. Please allow me. What’s up with the birth control Jamie?

Weren’t you using anything? Were you on the pill? I guess since it’s only 98% effective you might just be unlucky. Or maybe you were tired of all the attention your sister was getting and you just flushed them down the toilet.

You should really use a condom anyway. Maybe it broke. Did the condom break? You didn’t poke holes in it did you?

Maybe they made you take one of those “abstinence-only” sex ed classes. Too bad, someone should have told you that those programs don’t prevent teenage pregnancy. Sucks for you. But maybe since you met your boyfriend in church you both should have known that premarital sex is a sin anyway.

Jamie? He didn’t tell you he wouldn’t come, did he? Please tell me you didn’t fall for that one.

I’m sorry if these questions seem a little indelicate, but you have to expect that sort of thing when you show your proverbial ass on the cover of OK! Besides, I really need to know what goes on in the mind of a teenage girl these days. You see, I have a daughter. A daughter who, I might add, will be unceremoniously thrown down a flight of stairs by yours truly if she ever ends up in your situation. Your mom might play that, but I don’t.

Anyway, better luck next time. By the way, please tell your skank sister to get the hell off my TV.

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28 Comments

  1. These are the questions we all want to know I think. Particularly how in this day in age a famous teen actress can not be protected. Maybe she was on antibiotics?

    I think it’s priceless that she wrote a note to her Mom to tell her. I would have not only wrote a note but mailed it from the country that I exiled myself to and still had to wait for her wrath. She would have tracked me down, smacked the crap out of me and then dragged me home.

  2. Amen Wurdz.

    Sometimes I think about what might have happened to me if I came home and told my parents I was pregnant. I think I can say with certainty that my father would have shot me.

    • Vicky In The Middle
    • Posted December 30, 2007 at 7:52 pm
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    • Reply

    I could care less about Jamie Spears, it’s just a shame that yet another kid will be brought into the world with an idiot for a mother. I think you are exactly right, Britney was getting too much limelight.

  3. Vicky! I was wondering when you would come to visit me. Do you have a blog?

  4. What about the statutory rapiness of the whole thing? Or don’t they have that in Louisianna?

    • the little fluffy cat
    • Posted December 30, 2007 at 9:07 pm
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    Ha, this is why I love you, Sissy! You’ll be shocked to know Jamie Lynn’s mamma’s parenting book has been cancelled…shocked, shocked, shocked….my favorite part was when she said she didn’t know how Jamie could have gotten pregnant because she always made curfew.

  5. Gawd, Wanda, I totally wish you were my mom. And is it wrong I would do the same to my teenage daughter, if I had a teenage daughter that was preggers, that is

  6. Hate to be the judgmental one here but if I had a teenage daughter and she got preggers it wud prob be the scariest time in her life and I would do everything I could to make her feel better and take care of her. Don’t have kids if your not willing to take care of them in the worst of times.

    And secondly, she’s a kid, it’s her family and community who should get smacked. It’s in the conservative areas that teenagers get pregnant and if your not going to talk to ur kids about sex make sure they have access to contraception in they need it and make sure they’re not embarressed to go out and buy it then expect them to get pregnant.

    You can’t get angry at a teenage girl for making a mistake, we all did stupid stuff at that age. She’s probably feeling terrified right now and she needs support not criticism.

  7. Speaking as a conservative, it’s not difficult to teach your kids they should wait and let them know, if they decide not to, they must protect themselves.

    Look at the child’s environment and the people around her. Poor kid never had a chance. Now she’s bringing a baby into that mess…

  8. I wrote a long post on this – feel free to come have discussions!

    Shawn: It is hard to get a kid to wait. They hormone fuelling/ in love etc and it’s really hard to a teenager to say no to their boyfriend, especially when girls are raised to be nice and please someone.

    And if u tell a kid to wait then they’re not exactly going to come to u for a pill prescription are they? Tell them they must wait, it makes it seem shamefull, then the teen will be to afraid to buy contraception.

  9. We tell our children to wait until they’re old enough for all sorts of things. Why would something with as many consequences as sex be any different?

    My kids are grown now, and they never had any problem coming to me for anything, because I never hesitated to talk to them about anything. Sex only comes across as shameful, if that’s the way the parent feels about it. When it’s treated like the wonderful gift it is, there is no shame involved.

  10. Yes, why no birth control? No it’s not 100% effective, but I’m 30 bloody years old and I haven’t gotten preggers once! <— that’s pretty much all I have to say on this subject.

    * Jamie Lynn is going straight to hell (as is her boyfriend).

    I’m gonna go hit up some more Orlando Bloom messboards.

    * Oh! Yay! You got a TypHo badge up!

  11. It’s a good idea advise to wait until a certain age as long as u make sure kids don’t think sex is dirty or shameful. I think 16 is ok tho. I think the main thing is to say don’t let anyone pressure u into it.

  12. Wanda stop making us ponder the problems of community and do same crazy posts that make us laugh!

  13. Aw Janners! I can’t write about Orli all the time. Don’t worry, I have something all queued up tho.

  14. Bravo, Wanda. Less income for Mama Spears now that two of her daughters are idiots.

  15. Mama Spears, she milks her 2 daughters for all they’re worth. I’ sure OK will shell out another 1 mill once the bub is born for the first pics. I hope Jamie keeps that for her and her child.

    Wanda start messing with the crazies on the messboards! I used to mess with the crazies at the skinny but it got nasty.

  16. Those are very good questions. I’d be with you, throwing the daughter down the stairs. My screaming would be heard downtown.

  17. Wow Wanda, you sure are starting the year off with a bang. Good job calling it like it is. I’m with ya!

  18. Deb!

  19. I just want the 15 minutes of fame of the spears family to be over already. Remember when you actually had to have a talent to be in the limelight? Now you just have to be stupid, shocking, or downright crazy.

  20. You know, it’s not like she had to ask her mother to take her to a doctor and get the pill. There are condoms, there are sponges, there’s stuff that wasn’t even around when I was her age — you can buy this at the freakin’ drugstore.

    I think when Mama Spears got the boob job for her older spawn, it started the whole family down a slippery slope. In their trailer.

  21. “By the way, please tell your skank sister to get the hell off my TV.”

    I about spit my coffee across the room, picturing Britney doing the nasty ON your TV. Literally. On top of it.

    Do NOT ask me what’s in my coffee.

  22. Oh, jezus effing christ, YOUR LIFE ISN’T NECESSARILY OVER WHEN YOU GET KNOCKED UP AT SIXTEEN.

    -Woman who got knocked up at age 16

  23. Of course Jackie’s life wasn’t over at 16, Jackie is brilliant and awesome. Jamie Lynn is not.

  24. I find this all very sad. There is no excuse for an “accidental” pregnancy in this case. These girls are totally misguided.
    Poor Britney. Poor Jamie Lynn. Poor babies. Idiot mother.

    What’s really sad is that this was front page news on CNN.com.

    Sheeesh.

  25. Speaking as someone else who had to come home and inform the parental units that they were about to be grandparents without the benefit of a son-in-law, there’s a whole ‘nother possibility:

    Jamie was little sister in a star-struck family. Fame ruins people — the celebrity draws “friends” who want to get a tan off your shining star or plug into your power instead of paying their own bills.

    We’ve seen what the story is just by the Britney antics that hit the headlines and front pages; imagine what happens between the lines.

    Now, be the kid sister, pushed in the same direction because that seems to be where the money is. Don’t you want love, real love?

    I did. And the only real love you can go out and get is from your very own child. They might grow up to be rebellious, resentful teens for a while, but that newborn baby thinks you are the whole world. And, for a while, when my baby was born, my parents were the parents I always wanted, too — right there for me, paying attention, smiling with me. I think that’s why Jamie got pregnant.

    The problem is, if Britney and her Mom are any examples, none of those females knows how to nurture and live for her child. Let’s hope Jamie is the exception to the rule.

  26. are you doing zoey 101 anymore


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