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So there I was at work, not bothering anyone as usual, when my phone rang.  I answered it and had the following exchange with the person on the other line (and yes, my tone was extremely bitchy):

Me:  Can I help you?

Him:  Who is it that you’re looking for?

Me:  Huh?

Him:  Who is it that you’re looking for?

Me:  I’m not looking for anyone.  You called me.

Him:  No I didn’t.

Me:  Yes you did.

Him:  Well, my phone rang too, so bye!

Me:  Cocksucker!

Then he hung up.

I then turned around to find L.G. laying on the floor of my office, face red, tears streaming down her face.  She was laughing so hard she was practically seizing.  I’m pretty sure she wet her pants.  She said something, which I eventually realized was “you were supposed to ask for Orlando!”

For those of you who don’t remember, L.G. is the person I put in charge of procuring Orlando for my birthday, which is next Monday.  I managed to track down the phone numbers of his agent, manager, publicist and various other hangers-on and gave them to her.  I guess she got tired of me nagging her about it so she called one of them and transferred him to me without saying anything. 

I’ll never work in this town again.  They’re probably filing the restraining order as we speak.

L.G. is up for her annual review.  I should fire her, but who am I kidding?  As soon as I figured out what she did I was on the floor laughing with her.

Don’t you wish I was your boss?



  1. I sure do! Especially if you let me be mean to telemarketers, I’m very good at that

  2. We don’t get very many telemarketers. How are you with ex-felons?

  3. omg wanders u write about ur work!? ur my hero!! shih i write about my job over @ kollegeyears (see the #’s over there hehe) and people seemt og et a kik out of it! they dont know i hav to actually work w/ these people!

  4. You should see the stuff I don’t write about.

  5. No they shouldn’t…hee-hee…yes, Sissy, I wish you were my boss. But having you for my conjoined triplet is almost as good. 🙂

  6. I’m the only person left who’s not on the Do Not Call list. Well, except for you.

  7. Too funny!

    You wouldn’t want me for an employee; my bosses think I’m nuts.

  8. Poor Orlando — he has no idea what he’s missing!

  9. When you said cocksucker, I giggled.

    And please be my boss. My bosses are a bit slow and childish.

  10. Oh, and I get to work with ex-felons, too!

  11. So did YOU wet your pants, too?

  12. Your birthday is next monday? Ooh, Wanders is getting a present on my blog for shizzle!

    That Whorelando flunky guy was mean. LG gets a High Five!

  13. Le gasp! Monday?! I must remember that

  14. Do all of my OLD buds hear that? My NEW BFF’s are gonna celebrate my birfday!

  15. And no Corina, I don’t wet my pants anymore.

  16. Thats funny, you may have blown(pun intended) only real chance to meet O.

  17. I wonder what Orlando thinks now that you called him (or his flunkey) a cocksucker?

  18. I don’t think he heard me Pan. He was in mid hangup when I said it. I really told him, didn’t I?

  19. I can’t even imagine how much fun it would be to have you as a boss, although I imagine that if you were my boss, you’d scorch my hair with the names you’d be inspired to call me. It would be worth it, though … my hair would grow back.

  20. I guess I count as an OLD friend…we go back all of about one year, maybe!

  21. A year is like forever in cyber time Kathleen. Has it really been that long?

  22. Oh my God! Someone should’ve taped this to play on your birthday.

    By the way, I would LOVE working for you, mostly because we’d never get anything done except stalking hot actors. What else is there?

  23. Can you be your mom’s boss? I’m not sure that’s legal.

  24. “You never get a second chance to make a first impression”

    What a first impression.

  25. Hey Wenderina! Have you met my cybermom Suzy? She’s right there above you. You should check her out, you guys remind me of each other.

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