We interrupt our regularly scheduled program (People I’d Totally Sleep With If I Were A Lesbian) for this earth-shattering news. Dog, the bounty hunter and erstwhile reality television star, has announced that he isn’t Us.
Mr. Dog recently had a hissy fit regarding his son’s girlfriend (a Sister). Dog Jr., the ungrateful bastard, taped the epithet-laced tirade and sold it to the National Enquirer.
“I thought that I was cool enough in the black world to be able to use that word as a brother to a brother,” says Mr. Dog. “I’m not.”
Mr. Dog, undoubtedly giving new life to the term “mullet head,” continued to stun his fans and well-wishers with the following statement:
“I didn’t know really know until three or four days ago what (the n-word) meant to black people.”
You don’t say. This reporter has not heard such breathtaking introspection since Jennifer Lopez suddenly remembered she was Puerto Rican.
In related news, Mr. Dog has announced his plans to be interred in a slave burial ground near George Washington’s home in Mount Vernon.
“I want to be buried right where they’re at because I will never be forgiven as (long as) I’m alive,” he said.
There goes the neighborhood.
Editorial note: I didn’t make this up.