This morning when I woke up the news on my local ABC affiliate was talking about how Don Imus was making a comeback on ABC Radio. The broadcaster was quick to point out that, despite the name, WABC-TV and ABC Radio had nothing to do with each other.
I wrote the following article elsewhere around the time the Don Imus flap broke several months ago. I decided to resurrect it in honor of Mr. Imus becoming gainfully employed again.
Yesterday I wrote an article about being a nappy-headed ho’. Many people pointed out to me how wrong I was to complain about being a nappy-headed ho’ and not complaining about the other horrible transgressions we black folks have committed over the years, particularly rappers and Al Sharpton. I’m very sorry. I will now personally atone for the sins of the black community. Not all of them of course, there are far too many, but why just stop at Snoop Dog? I apologize for the following people, for the following reasons:Frederick Douglas for being uppity.Emmett Till for whistling at a white woman, and for putting the taxpayers of Mississippi through the expense of trying his murderers.
Black Entertainment Television for being too provocative.
The Boondocks for being too provocative, but in a different way than BET.
Ice Cube for everything he did before, during and after NWA.
Tawana Brawley for lying about being raped.
Al Sharpton for lying about Tawana Brawley being raped.
James Baldwin for being black and gay.
Sammy Davis Jr. for being black and Jewish.
Rerun for being black and fat.
Dr. Dre for being too black.
Barack Obama for not being black enough.
My grandparents for moving into a white neighborhood in 1950.
The Nation of Islam for waiting too long to shoot Malcolm X.
Harry Belafonte, just because I like saying Belafonte.
And most of all, the Rutgers Women’s basketball team for getting Don Imus into so much trouble.
Please let me know if I’ve forgotten anyone.
Begging your pardon,