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This morning when I woke up the news on my local ABC affiliate was talking about how Don Imus was making a comeback on ABC Radio.  The broadcaster was quick to point out that, despite the name, WABC-TV and ABC Radio had nothing to do with each other.

I wrote the following article elsewhere around the time the Don Imus flap broke several months ago.  I decided to resurrect it in honor of Mr. Imus becoming gainfully employed again.

Dear Friends,

 Yesterday I wrote an article about being a nappy-headed ho’. Many people pointed out to me how wrong I was to complain about being a nappy-headed ho’ and not complaining about the other horrible transgressions we black folks have committed over the years, particularly rappers and Al Sharpton. I’m very sorry. I will now personally atone for the sins of the black community. Not all of them of course, there are far too many, but why just stop at Snoop Dog? I apologize for the following people, for the following reasons:Frederick Douglas for being uppity.Emmett Till for whistling at a white woman, and for putting the taxpayers of Mississippi through the expense of trying his murderers.

Black Entertainment Television for being too provocative.

The Boondocks for being too provocative, but in a different way than BET.

Ice Cube for everything he did before, during and after NWA.

Tawana Brawley for lying about being raped.

Al Sharpton for lying about Tawana Brawley being raped.

James Baldwin for being black and gay.

Sammy Davis Jr. for being black and Jewish.

Rerun for being black and fat.

Dr. Dre for being too black.

Barack Obama for not being black enough.

My grandparents for moving into a white neighborhood in 1950.

The Nation of Islam for waiting too long to shoot Malcolm X.

Harry Belafonte, just because I like saying Belafonte.

And most of all, the Rutgers Women’s basketball team for getting Don Imus into so much trouble.

Please let me know if I’ve forgotten anyone.

Begging your pardon,

Wanda

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27 Comments

  1. Wonderful post, Wanda.

    If people had to go around apologizing for what others did, they might not have time to open their mouths to show what is or is not in their brain[less] heads.

    Isn’t it nice we don’t have to label things here so people won’t gripe that they “didn’t get it”?!

  2. It is indeed, Corina.

  3. Apology accepted. 😉

    Please don’t make me apologize for my NASCAR watching, trailer living, gun-rack owning, red-neck, bone-head brethren. We could be here awhile.

  4. I think the world deserves an apology for Chris Tucker.

    I routinely apologize for “my people.” ‘Tis a sad state of affairs.

  5. Corina’s comment says it all!

    This was funny the first time. I hope the fact that I’m not seeing any moron comments here isn’t just due to comment moderation.

    (BTW, I did like this post the first time too).

  6. Please apologize for all the welfare mothers and high school dropouts too, and then for not being one. It’s not fair to bigots when you don’t comply with the stereotype.

    Now I should probably start by apologizing for World Wars I and II….

  7. Yes, please, go right ahead Aniko.

    BGG, I would never moderate a comment. Perish the thought.

  8. I don’t apologize for anyone’s errors in judgment or action but I were to apologize, I guess I would apologize for:

    … all those Mexican immigrants that come here and take jobs from American citizens who really want to scrub your toilets and work in the hot, sweaty fields from 4:30 in the morning until 8 at night so you can eat your fancy artichokes and drink your $50 bottle of Cabernet.

  9. A delightful satire. It needed repeating at this most meaningful time, as Mr. Imus gets another chance to embarrass himself.

  10. You forgot Richard Wright… for marrying two white women and writing Haiku.

    Oh, and all black people who happen to be “Well-Spoken”! The nerve!

    🙂

  11. Look everyone, it’s my new BFF Anners!

  12. Hi, new BFF!

    ^ Oh and That Nation of Islam thing killed me!

  13. A long time ago, I was in favour of moderating comments. Then I became against it. I’m now in favour of it again. But, it has to be done responsibly…and that’s why I’m in favour of it now. Because lots of comments are made irresponsibly.

    All hail Askimet!

  14. Well said. So well said, that I cannot even comment.

  15. When will Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson work interactively to stop “black-on-black” violence and the “no snitching” rule that seems to be minimizing the safety of African Americans nationwide?

  16. When will TJ stop being such a buzzkill?

  17. LOL!

    1) I didn’t think I was coming back online tonight but your comment (Wanda — I mean this is your blog so if I say ‘your’ it should be you but it could have been Pan and I hope you are absolutely sure that it wasn’t TJ — does this mean the rest of them are coming too and we’re going to have to start labeling things as SATIRE or NOT SATIRE) was worth it.

    2) It makes me think I should post about how great you are tomorrow but I think I’m going to post about infinity instead. So, please interpret tomorrows post as a testament to your infinite beauty.

  18. I laughed my pasty white ass off when I read this elsewhere, and did so again today.

    And while I’m at it, I’d like to apologize for neurotic metrosexuals worldwide.

  19. The point of satire is to get people to seriously consider a point, not to get mechanical responses.

    Even so, it seems that the only comment of substance came from Corina, but since her comment was radically reminiscent of anarchy, Bobby Mutton over there had no words of criticism to belch out sardonically.

  20. You do know who Bobby Mutton is, don’t you TJ?

  21. Deareast Wanda: I was blessed with a comment by TJ on my “Found” page in which he explains that he knows who I am.

    I suppose it was foolish of me to admit to laughing at your response to him. Oh well. Sometimes I say slightly foolish things.

  22. No, I thought I made it perfectly clear: I know who Bobby Mutton is but I don’t know WHO he is. I know I know him, but I don’t know exactly who he is.

    Oh well.

    The identity of the goat is comparatively a small thing.

  23. What about the identity of a stick figure?

  24. Good grief TJ. Just look at the “Smoke” tab on my blog. I’m not trying to be secretive. I’m just playing around with names.

  25. Oh

  26. This is still my favorite piece of everything you’ve done, and it had a LOT of competition.

  27. very interesting, but I don’t agree with you
    Idetrorce


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