Some Thoughts About Death

Twice in my life I’ve had occasion to seriously consider my own mortality. The first time was 10 years ago, the second time was last week. Both times I came to the same conclusion, that I didn’t want to die. Ever.

Wanda Is Not Amused

Greetings.

It’s Easter, and because I’m a) a bad mother, b) a bad daughter, and c) a bad Catholic I’m not celebrating.  I don’t have the emotional strength to even buy a freaking Easter basket for my poor neglected children.  Instead, I’m blogging.  Aren’t you lucky.

I’ve been kicking around the idea of adding a new category to Deadpan called “Celebrities Must Die,” and today seems like just the right day to launch.  This category will be devoted to stories about celebrities, the stupid things they say and do, and why they should be killed.  You might ask yourself, is Wanda openly encouraging violence against famous people who should not be breathing the air?  In a word, yes.

Update On The War Effort (Updated!)

I think I’ve been banned from The Skinny Website!  I was going in under the name Karen Carpenter.  The website owner (Rian) left me this lovely message on one of the threads:

“Karen Carpenter, you are about to get banned. Nobody but me saw your other asinine comments from earlier…”

Just so you know, I never make asinine comments.  I made one about WalMart having a sale on ExLax which I thought was pretty brilliant.  Sorry you didn’t get to see it.

I’ve tried going in since then under different names but my comments go poof.  I can only assume she’s blocked my IP address.  Maybe I’ll try again at work.  Keep an eye out for Fatty Fat Fat Fat.

Congrats to Stevo and Daners for also getting banned.  Take a bow kids!  Anners also had a terse e-mail exchange with Rian, but I’m not sure if she got the boot.

Keep up the good work folks!

In completely unrelated news, I have a new post on Blogcritics.  Have a look if you’re so inclined:

Eliot and the Platinum Hoo-Hah

BREAKING NEWS FROM THE FRONT LINES!

This just in from Anners:

“She closed the comments for this post. My comment was in moderation but it’s totally gone now…

‘Hey everyone, I’ve closed comments for this article. Please read the comment rules – this is not an ED or pro-ana site. I was simply reporting on celeb diet and exercise gossip as I always do. Too bad it was taken the wrong way by some of you.

To the people who say they hate this website: Stop visiting it. Common sense.’

^ HahahHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAH !!!!!!!”

Don’t stop now folks, there are plenty of posts still open for comments!

I Don’t Care About Your Stupid Baby

Why?

Why is it that every time some brainless celebrity has a baby people have to go on about it so?  Like it’s the first time a woman has ever given birth in the history of the universe?

In the latest slap in the face to mothers everywhere (and, dare I say, womanhood in general) People was alleged to have paid $1 million for pictures of Nicole Ritchie’s newborn.  I wonder if these pearls of wisdom were thrown in at no extra charge:

Exclusive: Deadpan Visits Heath Ledger Death House

What is it with people and their makeshift shrines in front of famous dead people’s houses?  When did that become a…thing?  I admit that I got a little teary eyed when Princess Diana was killed, but by the time JFK Jr. died I was over it.  I distinctly remember rolling my eyes at the hordes of fans that left flowers and what-not outside his house.    Why were they so desperate to be part of the “shared consciousness” or whatever they call it?  You didn’t know the man, get over yourself.

Still, I felt sad about Heath Ledger.  I thought about him off and on all day, and I couldn’t understand why.  Maybe it was because I felt bad about his daughter, who was born a few days before mine.  Maybe I felt close to him for his depressed, aloof demeanor.  I think maybe he just got under my skin somehow.  He got under my skin and I didn’t even know it until he turned up dead.  Damn he was good.